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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321022">The Devil Within</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essiggurke/pseuds/Essiggurke'>Essiggurke</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV), Suicide Squad (2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Amnesia, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Joker (DCU)'s Name is Jack, Memory Loss, Minor Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:01:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321022</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essiggurke/pseuds/Essiggurke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Napier was a nobody. A nobody without friends, without a family and most importantly, without memories. His life began four months ago when he woke up at the Gotham General. Alone. Nobody seemed to be looking for him and nobody seemed to miss him. But if so, then why did he have the recurring dream of a blonde beauty? And where did the voice come from? The voice in his head that longed for blood.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joker (DCU) &amp; Bruce Wayne, Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Joker/Harley Quinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This idea has been stuck in my head for over five years and it was slowly driving me insane. So I decided to finally put it out there. I hope you enjoy it. But before you start, please read the notes.<br/><br/>1. This is set after Suicide Squad. But before Birds of Prey.<br/>2. To understand the motivation behind some decisions better, you have to know that the Joker of this story killed Jason Todd and shot Barbara Gordon. So yeah, he has been busy.<br/>3. This is not going to be some fluffy, Joker adoring, abusive relationship apologetic story. At the beginning it might seem like that, but I do not plan to excuse any of the shit Joker put Harley through and vice versa. BUT I love their dynamic  (in a fictional environment), so IT IS going to be Joker/Harley with all their flaws, quirks and insanity. I hope I will do them justice.<br/>4. This is going to be a weird mix of different Batman media types. For example I pictured the GCPD like the one in Gotham (the series) and I will add Harvey Bullock (also from the Gotham universe) but my Joker will look like Jared Leto and often think like Heath Ledger. So be aware, that I am not writing strictly about one of the many incarnations of the Joker or any other character. </p><p>So, I guess that was that. If I haven't scared you off yet: Please enjoy. I will post a new chapter about once a week.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Deep smog hung above the rooftops of Gotham. The moon, occasionally breaking through the thick clouds, was reflected in the glass fronts of the skyscrapers. There, in the noble parts of Gotham, high society slept, no inconveniences disturbing their well-deserved rest.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But our story does not begin in the posh district. Our story begins in a dark alley lined with tin cans and glass bottles. At the end of this cul-de-sac, a cat was lounging in the garbage cans, digging for a meal. When a tin can fell from the pile of garbage, clattering to the ground, the door of a small pub opened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pink neon sign, hanging above the door, flickered and casted an unreal light on the two men hooting and roaring while staggering out of the pub. Swaying towards the main street. The cat, which had paused for a moment, resumed her search for food.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>In this street, in this pub, on a simple Saturday evening our story begins. And it begins with a man ...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jack had had an awful day. One of his colleagues had been too hungover to drag himself to work and Jack had had to stand in for the idiot. A twelve-hour shift and a sleepless night later, Jack was far from happy.</p><p>Propping one elbow on the bar, his head resting in his palm, he slowly twirled his glass, watching the golden liquid moving inside.</p><p>Jack had dreamed of the blonde-haired beauty again. She has been standing in the pouring rain, raindrops dripping down her face. Her hair, worn in two high ponytails, glued to her head.</p><p>"Ya always let me down, dammit. Every single time", her eyes were unfocused, her lower lip wobbling slightly. But then her eyes snapped back to his, flashing dangerously. “But I won't let that happen. Not again. I will find you. And I'll get ya back. " And then she had raised her baseball bat, aiming for his head.</p><p>Jack had woken up at 2:30 in the morning, drenched in sweat and unable to fall back asleep.</p><p>He wondered what these dreams meant. Was he going mad? Were those memories? Should he remember her?</p><p>Tonight, however, he was too tired for these questions. Tonight, he would solve all his problems in a surefire way. With cheap scotch in a rundown bar, just a few blocks from his apartment.</p><p>Jack was drowning the last few drops of scotch when he felt a body gliding into the seat next to him. Turning around he was greeted by a curtain of dark red hair, pouring across the counter. The woman to whom this magnificent hair belonged, was leaning daringly far across the counter. Jack turned back around, not really interested in any company tonight.</p><p>“Two scotch.”, the redhead told the barkeeper. “My friend here looks like he could use another one.” Jack looked back at her. This time her green eyes were staring directly into his. Her gaze intense.</p><p>Jack’s eyes slowly roamed her body. She was breathtaking, there was no doubt about that. Slim and tall, but curvy in all the right places. Her red hair flowing down her back, barely stopping above her hips. Her perfect curves emphasized by a green jumpsuit, hugging her body enticingly.</p><p>But she was too tall, her eyes were green instead of the blazing blue color, that haunted him in his dreams. And her hair wasn't the blue and pink he inexplicably yearned for. But maybe that was exactly what he needed. Maybe she was the perfect distraction.</p><p>His eyes returned to her face. She mockingly raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow.</p><p>“Hard day?”, she asked, her voice soft. She placed a hand on his arm, leaning even closer.</p><p>“Hard months.”, he grumbled nearly inaudible. But she raised the second eyebrow nonetheless. “Yeah, you could say that.”, he added a little louder. He smiled at her, careful not to show any teeth. He had learned the hard way, that the metal of his teeth disturbed people.</p><p>“Jack!”, he offered. “Pamela!”, she answered, flashing a breathtaking smile. An uneasy feeling crept upon him. Like this name should mean something to him.</p><p>Then she pushed the glass of scotch in his direction and the feeling disappeared.</p><p>“Let's drink then. To a shitty day.”, Pamela said and took her glass. Jack looked at her for just a moment longer before he tipped his glass against hers. Lifting the drinks simultaneously, they took a sip. When the first drop of alcohol reached his throat, Jack already knew that he had fucked up.</p><p>Pamela was still smiling, but now it was full of pity. Like she had hoped for an opponent and got a victim.</p><p>The floor started swaying under him. His vison blurring and his surrounding going out of focus. He tried standing up but would have landed face first on the floor if Pamela hadn't caught him.</p><p>“Leave us!”, she told the room and Jack heard the barkeeper leave. Her tone had changed drastically. There was nothing warm and flirty left, just a voice cold as ice. Used to being obeyed.</p><p>Pamela led him to one of the sitting booths, laying him down non to gently. Jack's back hit the hard surface of the bench and a gasp was forced from his body.</p><p>Jack’s head was fuzzy, and his throat felt like sandpaper. His heart raced.</p><p>Pamela was digging through her purse, he could hear it, but he wasn't able to turn his head to see what she was searching for. Jack was blinking rapidly, trying to get rid of the mist covering his eyes. Pamela sat something down on the table next to him and reappeared in his field of vision.</p><p>“There is no reason to panic!”, she murmured, not sounding overly convincing. Then she injected something into his arm. A syringe his fogged brain provided after a few long moments.</p><p>“Why?”, Jack croaked. His voice sounded pathetic, even to his own ears.</p><p>“You shouldn't speak or you will lose your voice! This narcotic is still in testing.”, Pamela told him unhelpfully. Jack made a distressed noise, while the syringe filled with his blood.</p><p>“I have to know what they did to you…”, she whispered. More to herself than to him, he figured. “We have to get you back. Harley with you is terrifying and honestly quite pathetic. But Harley without you is an unstoppable force of nature.”</p><p>Jack didn't understand a word she said. He didn't know a Harley and the only unstoppable force of nature he knew was the blackness creeping up on him from the lower edges of his vision.</p><p>“But just to be clear. You owe me one.”</p><p>Those were the last words Jack heard before the world dissolved into nothing.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments are love. :) </p><p>If you would like to get in touch, meet me on Tumblr: <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/essiggurkee">Essiggkurkee</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Adrift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack sat up, panting heavily. His sweat-covered body shivering in the light breeze drifting through the open window. The clock on his bedside table read four o`clock in the morning.</p><p>Groaning Jack fell back into his pillow, throwing an arm over his eyes. For a few, long moments he lay there, breathing deeply, slowly calming his mind.</p><p>Being roused from sleep by nightmares was nothing new to Jack, in fact it had been his routine since he was discharged from the hospital four months ago. There he had awoken peacefully, the last images of his dream slowly fading. Painkillers giving him a warm and fuzzy feeling. Nevertheless, he had felt tired and disoriented. Lost.</p><p><em>"How are you feeling, Mr. Napier?", a voice said. The man lying in the hospital bed looked up.</em> <em>The name did not sound familiar but since the man in the white coat looked at him expectantly, he probably meant him. </em></p><p>
  <em>“I have been better.“, the man, Mr. Napier apparently, croaked. His voice sounded raw, like he hadn't used it in quite some time. Slowly lifting his hand, he touched the bandage wrapped around his head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What happened?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You are in the Gotham General. You were admitted yesterday evening. Badly injured, I might add. You were lucky somebody found you.”, the man, obviously a doctor, held a clipboard close to his chest. His face was the perfect mask of professional disinterest. His body language closed off, only his fingers tapping a nervous beat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why can’t I remember?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You had a lot of small bruises and abrasions, but the most serious injury was a skull fracture with a resulting traumatic brain injury and low cerebral hemorrhage. Don't worry, we got in under control. Nothing vital was damaged in the process.”</em>
</p><p>His long-term memory system was obviously not vital. Because Jack had lost that, the moment he had opened his eyes in the hospital. There his new life had begun. Four months ago he was reborn and he remembered absolutely nothing about the person he had once been. Nothing about his former hobbies or disinterests, his preferences, or dislikes. In short, he had lost his entire identity within one fatal evening.</p><p>Everything they had been able to tell him was that his name was Jack Napier, he had no living relatives and was approximately 30 years old.</p><p>This was his new life. Built on three facts.</p><p>Jack rubbed his eyes tiredly. Taking another deep breath as he sat up slowly, dangling his feet over the edge. Jack buried his head in his hands, scrutinizing his legs through the gaps between his fingers. They were unnaturally thin and lanky. His life must have been quite unhealthy, his doctor had told him disapprovingly. He was severely underweight, had probably gone days without eating and had traces of different drugs left in his blood system.</p><p><em>"Not just traces." His doctor had said. "The amount left in your body would have killed a horse."</em> </p><p>Jack rose to his feet, tiredness making his vision blur, but no more sleep would come tonight.</p><p>Jack slowly shuffled towards the kitchen; his only focus laid on the coffee machine waiting there. Out of the corner of his eye he caught a movement right outside his window. Jack froze, turning towards the window and did a double take.</p><p>There <em>was</em> a dark shadow looming right outside his window, barely moving.  Jack inched closer, trying not to startle it. The shadow stirred anyway. Jack moved closer still, trying to see past the reflecting glass, but the shadow was gone.</p><p>It must have flown away. Jack’s apartment was on the 3<sup>rd</sup> floor, there was no other way to reach this window. Not even a fire escape. Jack shook his head, moving back towards the kitchen.</p><p><em>Probably just a bird, </em>he thought, starting the coffee machine. But something about this explanation didn’t sit right with Jack. It was nothing more than feeling. A voice in the back of his head. Silent but insistent. He shrugged it off. Chugging the hot coffee down in one go.  </p><p>Half an hour later, Jack left the shower, wrapping himself in a towel. The cold water left him freezing. The warm water had stopped running a few days ago and nobody cared enough to fix it. In apartment blocks like this one, there was no such thing as a caretaker.</p><p>Still, he shouldn’t be ungrateful. It had been nice of the hospital to get him this place. And with a job at the port, too.</p><p>This way he had at least a place to stay and a steady income. It was more than he could have hoped for, waking up alone in a hospital bed.</p><p>And yet. It was not the life he had dreamed about.</p><p>Or at least he doubted that his prior self would have been satisfied with this life. But what did he know?</p><p>This, right here, was the only life he remembered. This two-room apartment, with a folding couch and a broken boiler, in one of the shabbier neighborhoods of Gotham was the only home he had ever known.</p><p>Jack drew the towel closer around himself, looking at his reflection. Even though the same face has stared back every day for the past four months, Jack Napier still couldn’t believe that the man with the metal-teeth was really him.</p><p>His brown hair was longer than a few months prior. Jack had let it grow. His bangs nearly reaching his eyes by now. Jack brushed the hair from his forehead, uncovering the hidden “Damaged”-tattoo underneath.</p><p>The tattoo on his forehead was neither the only nor the most obvious tattoo adorning his body. To let his hair grow had been easy enough to hide it. The tattoo on the back of his hand for example was a different matter altogether.</p><p>Jack threw a last look into the mirror and then turned around leaving the bathroom.</p><p>He liked the dead, expressionless eyes staring back at him, less and less each day.</p><p>While Jack changed into his working clothes, he turned the television on. Jack didn’t deal well with silence. He needed a constant background noise. If it was silent around him, he only became more aware of the constant silence of his mind.  </p><p>The television wasn’t loud enough to really understand what was going on, but the constant buzzing calmed his mind. He didn’t care about the trivial problems of other people. He didn’t follow the news or sport and especially no entertainment shows. Everything was so mundane, so monotonous, so predictable. Jack hated his life. He didn’t need other people’s problems on top of it.</p><p>Jack threw a jacket on, before throwing his backpack over one shoulder. The television was still running. Jack walked through the door without looking back. Had he thrown just one last look over his shoulder, he would have seen the blonde beauty staring back at him. Her face broadcasted on the television screen.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed it. In this chapter we got a little background information about how Jack is currently living his life. In the next one there will be a lot more action. So... keep reading I guess.</p><p>Kudos and comments are still love. </p><p>If you would like to get in touch, meet me on Tumblr: <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/essiggurkee">Essiggkurkee</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Afloat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally some action. Yey! I really enjoyed writing this. I hope you like it too.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The work at Gotham`s docks was even more tiring than it had been the days before.</p><p>Although the work was neither physically nor mentally demanding, Jack still felt drained, tired and unbalanced at the end of most days. Often, at least mentally, Jack occupied himself with more complex activities than stacking containers. He solved Sudokus, multiplied numbers and recited the alphabet backwards, just so he wouldn't go crazy doing the same moves every day. </p><p>But today his mind was otherwise occupied. The blonde woman kept popping up in his mind's eye. How she had swung the baseball bat, how her eyes had filled with tears. The fact that they were an especially bright blue. It had seemed so real. Just like a memory.</p><p>But if it was a memory, why was she the only one resurfacing? And why was she so important? Had he really known her that intimately? It seemed improbable that there had been a significant other in his former life. She would have searched for him. She would have found him lying in that hospital bed. It was laughable to think that he had been in a relationship of any kind…</p><p>And still, this woman must have been important, if he remembered the exact shade and form of her eyes.  </p><p>“Hey Jack, could you lend Billy a hand by taking the red containers to loading bay B? Some moron left them at platform F together with Wayne`s stuff.”</p><p>Jack, startled from his thoughts, leaning out of his cabin. Freddy, shielding his bloodshot eyes with a hand, looked expectantly up at Jack. Jack raised his hand briefly, indicating that he had heard him and steered the forklift to loading bay B.</p><p>Nineteen times eight is one hundred and fifty-one. Nineteen times nine ... </p><p>When the workday finally came to an end, Jack strolled lazily through the dark alleys between the containers and warehouses, slowly heading home. He was in no hurry to get there. Nothing was waiting for him. Nothing, except an empty flat and cheap booze.</p><p>And Jack loved Gotham by night. When the moon painted the city in a ghostly white color and an eerily silence covered the docks, Jack felt finally free. No pretending, no curious looks, nobody to please. A small smile flickered across his face.</p><p>Jack turned a corner when he heard a crashing sound coming from one of the warehouses. He thought about turning away, keeping out of trouble, when a door next to him was flung open.</p><p>Jack spun around, suddenly facing a group of big, beefy man, heavily armed. For a long moment, nobody moved.</p><p>The men, obviously surprised to meet a single soul at this time of the day, were frozen in place. Jack, for his part, wasn't exactly sure how to deal with this situation. The safest way, of course, would be to turn around and run as fast as possible. Preferably calling for help. The men were armed with pistols and knives, if they decided to attack, he wouldn’t stand a chance.  And yet, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to give these men the satisfaction of seeing him afraid.  </p><p>Before he could analyze this absolutely batshit crazy thought, the men got over their shock.</p><p>„Well, well, well. Would you look at that.”, the biggest guy of the pack cooed. Jack couldn`t see the man’s face, it was covered in a black mask, but he didn`t sound particularly smart.</p><p>Without consciously thinking about it, his body crouched down into a defensive stand. Weird. He must have had combat experience in his former life.</p><p>The men howled with laughter, inching closer. He knew that he probably looked ridiculous. Small and light weighted as he was, he didn’t pose a threat at all, standing no chance against five armed men.</p><p>“Look at him. Thinking he could take us on. Isn`t he precious!“ The man leaned down a bit, as if talking to a child.</p><p> Something dark and ugly reared its head in Jack`s chest. Hate.</p><p>Who were these men talking to him like that? Suddenly, he <em>wanted</em> them to attack. He <em>wanted</em> to show them that he could take them on.</p><p>“Well then, <em>fatty</em>, if I am that precious, you will have no problem killing me on your own, will you?”, Jack sneered. The words had barely left his mouth when he realized he had fucked up. He could never win this fight.</p><p>And still he felt no fear.</p><p>The men howled again, while his opponent cackled. Without losing another word, he gave his weapon to his left-hand man.</p><p>Apparently, they were in no hurry to flee from the place of crime, taking their time to deal with a minor inconvenience like him. The man took of his mask, obviously quite confident that Jack wouldn’t leave this place alive.</p><p><em>Yeah, looks as stupid as he sounds,</em> Jack thought amused.</p><p>His body tensed automatically when the man turned back towards him, walking closer, his face twisted in an ugly sneer. The man, obviously convinced that he could take on Jack alone, signaled his men to step back, giving them some space.</p><p>Without losing another word, the man took a swing and hit Jack right in the face. Jack was too slow to dodge the blow and before he recovered from the first one, a second one hit the pit of his stomach. Jack instinctively doubled over. The crowd hooted and the tall man took a step back.</p><p>“You have nothing but a big mouth, isn`t that true, asshole.”, the giant laughed.</p><p>Jack tasted blood. Still breathing hard, he spit on the floor, getting rid of the worst of it. He felt no pain, but the beast in his chest growled menacingly. Something hot ran through his veins. He felt more alive than ever before.</p><p>Slowly, without straightening up, he looked at his opponent. Blood running from the corner of his mouth, his green eyes sparkling with excitement.</p><p>“That’s all you’ve got?”, the voice that came from his mouth was not his own. Colder and harder than ever before.</p><p>Something like uncertainty or maybe fear crossed the face of the giant, but it was gone before Jack could tell for sure. The group of men cackled, encouraging their leader to just teach him a lesson already.</p><p>The man took a step closer, looking at Jack imploringly. Jack was still doubled over, but his body was reacting without a conscious thought. It had tensed, ready to leap.</p><p>His opponent took another swing and Jack grinned widely, excitement rushing through his veins. And for just a moment the giant saw his teeth. Sheer horror crossed his face and he hesitated for just a moment too long. </p><p>Apparently, this was all Jack needed. He felt like a passenger in his own body, no longer the one in control. Something else had taken over.</p><p>His body reacted instantly, shooting forward and landing a blow directly on the man’s face. He heard a satisfying crack. Jack didn`t take the time to assess the damage. </p><p>He brought up his knee, ramming it directly into the man’s crotch. When the men doubled over, blinded by pain, Jack hit him on both ears with the flat of his hands. Successfully disorienting the man.</p><p>The giant seemed tired of acting like a living punching bag and took an aimless blow at him. Jack had seen this coming.</p><p>A small part of Jack, the part feeling trapped inside his own body, wondered where this combat experience came from. This was more than just a few self-defense lessons. But the bigger part of Jack was busy dodging the next blow.</p><p>The man missed Jack by a few inches. The man`s body naturally followed his swingarm, turning his side towards Jack. Jack hit him in the liver with all his might.The man howled in pain and bent over reflexively, Jack had been expecting this and with a well-positioned kick he dislocated his opponent's knee. The man fell to the floor, favoring the uninjured side.</p><p>Jack heard a loud, insane cackling sound, but he couldn`t concentrate on that right now. His whole focus was on the bleeding, panting mess, that knelt before him.</p><p>“Please.“, the man begged. Real fear glittering behind his eyes. “Don`t do this!”</p><p>Jack liked it when they begged. The laughing died away.</p><p>“Shhhh!”, he hissed reassuringly. His hands gliding across the man’s cheeks. The beast in his chest purred. He felt free and agitated. He felt ALIVE.</p><p>The man didn`t seem reassured at all. Jack didn`t like that. Not. One. Bit. So, he laid his hands gently against the man’s head…</p><p>…and jerked it aside in one swift movement.</p><p>The man collapsed without another sound. Jack heard the laughter again as he let go. The man fell to his side. For one moment he stared at the dead body.</p><p>Only when the laughter died down again, Jack realized he was the one making that sound. He startled and looked around.</p><p>Jack had totally forgotten about the other men, but when he looked up, he realized that they had fled some time ago, their tails between their legs.</p><p>He was alone, standing over a corpse. Slowly Jack regained control, the other one turning over the steering wheel, the beast content and quiet inside his chest. Staring down at the dead body the whole truth of what he had just done came crashing down.</p><p>Jack lifted his hands carefully, staring down at them as if they belonged to someone else. How had he been capable of doing that? Not only his astonishing combat skills, but also the cold-hearted way in which he had just killed a man. As if it didn`t matter at all. Even worse, he had laughed while killing the men. He had <em>enjoyed</em> it.</p><p>Something had taken over his mind and this something apparently liked killing.</p><p>A shiver ran down Jack`s spine, while he absent-minded rubbed the blood from his knuckles. He couldn`t tell if it was his own. He still tasted blood.</p><p>A faint noise tore Jack from his thoughts, adrenaline rushing through his veins again, this time however he stayed in control. His thoughts remained clear; he knew that he was not to be found. The thought of facing it was downright ridiculous, this was Gotham. A minor murder down a back alley would not be investigated further. As long as he wasn`t seen here, he would be fine.</p><p><em>Still, better safe than sorry</em>, Jack thought. He had no interest in going to jail. And it had been self-defense. After all, he had been attacked.</p><p>Without further thinking, Jack grabbed the man`s wrists and started dragging him towards the edge of the water.</p><p><em>At least I didn`t have a knife, that would have been a mess,</em> Jack thought. But before he could analyze this disturbing thought, he heard footsteps.</p><p>Unceremoniously dropping the man into the water, he turned around. The steps were coming closer, he had to be quick.</p><p>Throwing one last look around, making sure he didn`t leave any evidence behind, Jack ran.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: A minor identity crisis and Jack gets some clues about what's going on.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Ripples in the sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jack got up the next day, he had successfully convinced himself, that the “incident”, as he had dubbed it in his own head, had not been as disturbing as he first had thought. He had just defended himself and the death of this man had been nothing but an unfortunate accident.</p><p>If Jack had stopped for one second and thought about it a bit more carefully, he might have been disturbed by how easily he could manipulate his own mind. He had rewritten his whole memory in just one night. No memory of the insane laughter, the bloodthirsty thoughts or the loss of control remained.</p><p>But after a sleepless night, most of it spent washing blood from his hands, Jack wasn't in the mood to question these matters.</p><p>Tired and yet inexplicably alert, Jack shuffled into the kitchen. Gripping his mug with one hand, he switched the TV on with the other. This morning, instead of using the TV as a background noise, he increased the volume and sunk into the couch. He had never followed the news before, but today it was a personal matter. He wanted to know if they had found the body.</p><p>He was staring at the screen expectantly. He was not sure what he was hoping for. That they had found the body or that they hadn’t?</p><p>When they arrived at the last topic of the day however, something about Wayne Enterprises` newest investments, Jack knew the body had not been found.</p><p>Disappointed, Jack left his coffee on the side table and started his morning routine.</p><p>The television still running in the background, filled the silence with meaningless chatter.</p><p>When Jack returned from the bedroom, still buttoning his shirt, he threw a disinterested look at the television and froze.</p><p>There she was. Staring at him from the television screen. The blonde beauty from his dreams. He grabbed the remote frantically, increasing the volume even more.</p><p>“This week, Harley Quinn is again wreaking havoc in Gotham. The well-known criminal seems absolutely unhinged; her crime rate has increased drastically in the past few months. Solely last week there were three reported hostage-situations. Yesterday a bomb went off in Gotham's pedestrian zone. Three people were killed, and four others injured. Harley Quinn took full responsibility for the terroristic attack. When will the Gotham Police finally step in and where is Batman? These are just a few of the questions the outraged citizens of Gotham ask themselves."</p><p>Jack stared spellbound at the television screen. Even after the news were long over, Jack stayed put. Involuntarily a smile spread across his face and for a moment a feeling of pride flashed through him.</p><p>Then he tore himself away from the screen, threw his bag over one shoulder, turned off the television and strode out the door. Harley Quinn. Now the blonde beauty had a name.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Jack was distracted all day. He would have liked to say that yesterday’s murder left him unsettled, but that would have been a lie. Truth is that his thoughts rotated around the blonde woman. Harley Quinn.</p><p>How did he know her?</p><p>She was obviously a well-known personality in Gotham and he had probably seen her face around somewhere but he still felt like he knew her more intimately. The color of her eyes, the little heart on her right cheek. Everything about her seemed so familiar that he was sure he had known her better than all these other citizens. But how? What connection did they have?</p><p>In his dreams she told him that he had let her down repeatedly, that didn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Maybe that was the reason she hadn’t been looking for him.</p><p>Just a day ago Jack would have deemed it impossible for his former self to have led an interesting life. Nobody had been looking for him, nobody seemed to know him. He had presumably led a withdrawn life.</p><p>But he knew Harley Quinn, one way or another, and he had been able to kill a man, more than double his weight like it was nothing. And the tattoos. He had always wondered about the tattoos, but maybe the answer was blatantly obvious. He had been part of a gang.</p><p>But if he had been part of a gang why was nobody else looking for him, even if Harley had her reasons. Had he been so insignificant that he wasn’t worth the trouble? One foot soldier among many, expendable and unimportant?</p><p>This seemed to be the most logical answer and yet… and yet, something didn't feel right about it.</p><p>“Do you still need that?” Jack`s thoughts got rudely interrupted as one of his colleagues entered the break room pointing towards the newspaper Jack had spread out in front of him. For a second Jack felt a sense of sheer hatred. Who was this guy talking to Jack when he was clearly preoccupied? Then the feeling subsided just as quickly as it had come, leaving Jack feeling empty and uncomfortable.</p><p>His colleague looked at him expectantly and Jack shook his head wordlessly. He got up from his chair, put the coffee cup in the dishwasher and left the room without another word.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The rest of the day was sheer endless. When the end of his workday finally arrived, Jack headed home directly. This was a first. Normally he loved strolling through the little alleys of the port. Or getting wasted in a bar. But tonight, he wasn’t keen on running in any kind of trouble. He seemed to have gotten away so far and he wouldn’t risk another incident. Moreover, he had plans tonight.</p><p>When Jack got home, he threw himself on the couch right away, rummaging in his pocket for his cell phone. It was one of the first things he'd bought. He had nobody to call, but Jack had a lot of questions and he had been told the internet provided most answers. He wasn’t sure if the doctors had just been sick of his questions or if it really was the fastest way to acquire information. As of late he hadn’t used it at all, but now it came in handy.</p><p>Without much fuss, Jack typed “Harley Quinn” into the search bar. Even though he already knew she was a known criminal, Jack was surprised by the sheer amount of search results. Amateur videos, background stories, childhood photos, information about her completed psychology studies.</p><p>And yet, there was no information covering the period between her graduation and about half a year ago. Not a single newspaper article dealt with her path from a promising psychologist to a murderous madwoman.</p><p>Jack clicked on another YouTube video from which Harley Quinn stared back at him. She was standing on some kind of podium with a man at her feet. She was holding a brightly colored gun and waving it excitedly in front of the crowd. She seemed to be giving a passionate speech, but the audio had been removed. When Harley pointed the gun at the man's head with a big grin, the video cut to black. In white letters the description read: "Due to the latest action taken by the GCPD and the Gotham government, we are unfortunately prohibited from playing the sound of this video in its entirety."</p><p>The screen went completely black. Jack stared at it dumfounded.</p><p>What kind of actions? Jack knew he hadn't shown any interest in the news until today and yet he was convinced that it would not have escaped his notice, if Gotham had passed such a large recession bill.</p><p>Again, he entered the search term he was looking for into the search bar. But the search engine didn't find a single result. Strange! Jack had never seen this before. Google always had an answer to his questions. That was the only use of this annoying invention.</p><p>Jack put the smartphone on the couch and rose slowly. Without thinking about it, Jack moved towards the coffee machine. His body went through the familiar hand movements while Jack's mind circled.</p><p>There was a new mysterious law passed by the GCPD in collaboration with the government. A law he could find nothing about.</p><p>And then there was the fact that he had woken up four months ago and there was no record of Harley Quinn’s activities prior to that. Could this really be a coincidence? Jack didn’t think so. But what could this mean?</p><p>And what had his memory loss to do with any of this? There was only one way to find out. Jack would have to dig deeper.</p><p>Nipping at his coffee Jack planned his next steps.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: A (more or less) familar face. XD</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Among Sharks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay. Enough foreplay, let's get to business.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was barely peeking above the skyline when Jack was already standing in front of the intimidating building. Maybe this wasn`t his best idea, but it was the most obvious solution.</p><p>The GCPD would have the answers he needed. If he had really been part of Harley Quinn’s little gang, then there had to be a record about him. He wasn`t really concerned that they would lock him up for anything he had done in his prior life. If they had any interest in that, they would have already done so when he was discharged from the hospital.</p><p>Taking a deep breath Jack climbed the few stairs leading to the main entrance. The GCPD was buzzing with life, cops rushing around while the occupants of the holding cells were yelling rude comments. Nobody seemed to notice Jack as he made his way towards the help desk. And yet, Jack couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.</p><p>The bored looking man sitting behind the desk hadn’t noticed Jack yet, chewing a donut absentmindedly. Jack barely suppressed a roll of his eyes. These were the men protecting Gotham from harm? Pathetic.</p><p>Jack forced his face into a smile, pointedly clearing his throat. The man slowly turned towards him. His eyes scanning his features lazily. Suddenly he startled awake, sitting up straight and throwing a panic-stricken look somewhere above Jack’s head.</p><p>Jack turned around following his gaze but saw nothing explaining this strange behavior. When he faced the cop once more, he seemed to have settled down again. He still looked wary, but not as if he was ready to bolt. He said nothing, however.</p><p>“Hey.”, Jack provided unhelpful. Hoping to get some kind of decent hospitality from this meatball.</p><p>The man took a deep breath, throwing one last pleading look over Jack’s head. Then he put a strained smile on his face.</p><p>“How can I help you today?”, he asked, his voice trembling a bit. Jack ignored it. Human reactions had always left him puzzled.</p><p>“Yeah, so, my name is Jack Napier and I have been here a few months ago, filling a complaint of bodily harm against an unknown attacker.”</p><p>The cop nodded dumbly but said nothing else.</p><p>Jack had the sudden urge to slam the man’s head against the desk to get at least some reaction. He shook his head trying to get rid of the violent urge.</p><p>“Yeah…! And I was hoping you could provide me with some information regarding this particular case.”, Jack lied. He had concluded that it was better to take a different course of action. Not asking outright about his former life.</p><p>The cop looked ready to bolt again, sweat covering his forehead. He threw another look over Jack’s shoulder. Slowly Jack was losing his patience with this nervous wreck.</p><p>Just when he wanted to rephrase his question, dumbing it down quite a bit, he felt a presence looming behind him. Slowly turning around, he was faced by quite a lot of facial hair.</p><p>Commissioner Gordon was standing directly before him, his eyes behind the glasses intense. His face looked like it was carved from stone, not a single muscle moving.</p><p>For a moment Jack stared back, a strong sense of recognition flooding his mind. Mixed with hate and a small feeling of triumph.</p><p>Getting uncomfortable with the constant staring, he cleared his throat again.</p><p>“But of course, just follow me, I will give you an update on your case right away.”, Commissioner Gordon said, like he hadn`t been staring at him for the past few moments.</p><p>Mr. Meatball seemed relieved that he didn`t have to work after all if the loud exhale was anything to go by. This time Jack couldn`t stop the roll of his eyes as he followed Jim Gordon through the GCPD, apparently heading for his office.</p><p>Several eyes followed them, but this ought to be expected if the Commissioner took over such an unimportant case. Something was off about the whole thing.</p><p>The commissioner held the door open for Jack, following him into the office right afterwards. He closed the door behind them.</p><p>Jack threw himself into one of the seats uninvited, earning him an ugly sneer from Gordon. He said nothing however, just sitting down behind his desk.</p><p>“So, what exactly is it that you want from us.”, Gordon looked at him inquiringly. His gaze hard and unforgiving. The feeling of smug triumph flooded his body again.</p><p>For a second Jack thought about lying, keeping to his story. But looking into Gordon`s cold eyes told him that he had been exposed. While Gordon probably didn`t know why he was here exactly, he knew it wasn`t because of some assault months ago.</p><p>Jack leaned back, a small smile playing across his lips, showing just a hint of teeth. Something in him wanted to get under Gordon`s skin. Breaking through his prim and proper surface. He tapped a finger against his nose.</p><p>“Oh. You got me.”, Jack said. He let the finger slide towards his chin, keeping it there like he was thinking really hard. Something in Gordon’s face twitched. Jack liked that.</p><p>“I am here to get to know ME better.”, he made some grand gesture with his hands, pointing to all of himself. “You know this whole no memory mess, is getting a little…”, he clicked his tongue.” tiresome.”</p><p>Gordon`s face was still looking like it was carved from stone, but it began to crack. Something in the way Jack talked got to him. Jack wasn`t sure where this pronunciation came from, but it got the intended effect.</p><p>Something ugly awoke in his mind. A beast, feasting on every single one of Gordon’s reactions.</p><p>“So, I was hoping you could lend me a hand!”, this time he smiled for real, his grill on full display. “I mean you are my friend and helper, aren`t you?”</p><p>Jack knew that it was probably unwise to keep antagonizing the person he needed help from, but he couldn`t help it. Something about Jim Gordon made him vicious.</p><p>Gordon`s face had twisted into something ugly. But before Jack could savor that success, Gordon closed his eyes. His face smoothing out. Gordon took one calming breath, and his face was back to the blank mask it had been before.</p><p>The beast growled unsatisfied. Jack`s smile faded. He stared at Gordon unimpressed.</p><p>“Of course, I am more than happy to help!”, Gordon said, slowly opening his eyes, looking at Jack.</p><p>“But like I told you already four months ago, we have no record about any Jack Napier. And there still hasn’t been anyone looking for you, otherwise you would have been informed.”</p><p>Now Jack`s face twisted into something ugly. How dare this filthy peace of shit lying to his face. Didn`t he know who he was?</p><p>Jack startled at his own thought. He didn`t even know who he was. So, this argument was for nothing.</p><p>With difficulty Jack morphed his face back into some sort of a smile.</p><p>“I am sure you have done the best you are capable of.”, he folded his hands across his belly. “Still, I find it hard to believe, that there would be no record about myself. You see, in the last few days I made some, well. “Jack paused for effect. ”Let’s say, startling discoveries about myself.”, Jack knew that Gordon hadn`t missed the slight blow, but he didn`t seem particularly interested in that.</p><p>“What do you mean startling discoveries?”, he was still trying to keep his professional mask intact, only sounding politely interested. His body language however told a different story. He was leaning towards Jack and Jack didn`t miss it.</p><p>Something was going on here and Jack was going to find out what.</p><p>He stood up, his chair scrapping against the floor. Without taking his eyes of Gordon, Jack moved slowly in the direction of the door. He would never take his eyes of a potential threat. Gordon was standing as well. The hand at his side twitching a little, as if he wanted nothing more than to grab his gun.</p><p>“Oh, you know bits and pieces. Memories, thoughts, talents. Nothing important.”, Jack had reached the door, with one smooth movement he grabbed the handle and threw the door open, stepping outside, finally turning his back.</p><p>“So far, at least!”, he yelled over one shoulder. Smiling widely at the room full of cops, all staring at him openly now. Without any hurry he made his way to the exit, grabbing one abandoned donut on his way out. He felt Gordon`s gaze on his back. As a final goodbye he waved the donut over his shoulder without turning around.</p><p>When Jack stepped outside the police station, he heard how hell broke loose. Smiling softly to himself, he bit into the donut and walked away.</p><p>He didn`t come far, as soon as he was turning around a corner, somebody grabbed his arm and dragged him away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack might get more than he bargained for.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Blood in the water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, lovely readers. I just wanted to thank every single one of you for reading, and commenting and leaving kudos. You are amazing and I hope you are doing well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Panic flooded Jack`s system.</p><p>He wasn’t sure if the panic came from being kidnapped or in reaction to the voice. The voice that belonged to the other part of himself, the part that had taken control during the murder. The part that was currently trying to take over the steering wheel again.</p><p>Jack was so busy fighting the violent urge to dislocate his attacker’s shoulder and sending him straight to hell that he wasn`t able to defend himself as well.</p><p>The attacker didn`t seem to realize how close his imminent death was. Holding Jack’s wrists in one hand, he used the other one to hold a knife against Jack’s throat. He was leading him down a narrow staircase, towards a green door. Turning them both slightly sideways his attacker pushed his shoulder hard against the door, successfully opening it.</p><p>Without hesitation the man let him go, turning around and closing the door. Jack`s inner voice shouted at him to just slam his attacker`s head against the door and get the knife for himself.</p><p>Jack was still trying to resist, he didn`t want any more blood on his hands.</p><p>“If you know what`s best for you, you will let me go.”, Jack forced through his gritted teeth. His hands twitching restlessly.</p><p>As soon as the boy turned around, every violent urge left Jack`s system instantly. His whole body relaxed, his inner turmoil subsiding.</p><p>This boy was no threat at all. He looked barely older than fifteen. Lanky, baby-faced, and obviously without any real fighting experience. Jack could probably take him on without any help of his little stowaway.</p><p>The boy just stared at him, obviously lost for words.</p><p>“Listen kid, I don`t know what your plan was, but it’s obviously not working. I have no money, I have no information and I seriously don`t care about your fucked-up life. So why don’t you let me go. Nobody needs to get hurt.”</p><p>His stowaway was gritting its teeth furiously. It was still not sure if it wouldn`t be best to teach the little pest some manners. But it was no longer fighting for dominance.</p><p>So, Jack ignored it.</p><p>The boy was still staring but his mouth was opening and closing like a fish’s, so he was probably searching for words. Jack`s patience was limited and his hold on the violent side of himself was wavering.</p><p>“I am sorry, sir. I didn`t mean to startle you, I just needed a second alone with you.”, the boy finally said, his voice small.</p><p><em>Sir</em>, Jack liked that. His stowaway seemed to be pacified as well. It grew less demanding, fading away into the darker parts of Jack`s soul.</p><p>Finally, alone in his own head, Jack focused solely on the boy in front of him.</p><p>“That`s quite alright, boy. You didn’t startle me at all. What did you need me alone for?”</p><p>The boy seemed to grow more confident, standing a little straighter and raising his head, looking directly at Jack.</p><p>Maybe he had been aware of the threat boiling just beneath Jack`s thin layer of self-control after all.</p><p>“I was told to keep an eye out for you, sir. I have been standing outside the GCPD for months now, waiting for you to show up.” Grinning widely, he added. “They paid me. Loads.”</p><p>Anticipation settled in Jack`s belly. Someone <em>had</em> been looking for him. Obviously paying homeless kids to keep an eye out. This someone had known that he would remember something and this someone had known him well enough to know that he would end up at the police department.</p><p>“And who exactly are `they`?”, Jack was nearly whispering, the tight knot of hope pressing against his lungs.</p><p>“I don`t know any names, sir. I was just told to wait for you and to give you this if you showed up.”, the boy was digging through a little bag hanging from his shoulder. Making a triumphant sound he raised his hand a bit, showing Jack what he held.</p><p>Jack moved closer; his eyes solely focused on the little object lying on the boy`s palm. It was a common business card. White, except for a little logo right in the middle of the card. There printed in a dark green, was a small, unobtrusive question mark.</p><p>Jack lifted his gaze looking straight into the boy`s eyes. He was closely observing Jack`s reaction, looking wary. Slowly Jack lifted his hand and took the business card.</p><p>Turning the card from one side to another, he tried to see if there was more information on it. The other side was blank.</p><p>“Is this some kind of joke?”, Jack asked, his voice cold. The boy took a step back, his eyes going wide.</p><p>“No, sir. No joke, a riddle. He told me it was some kind of test. And…”</p><p>The boy looked ready to bolt, but Jack needed a few more answers before this weasel was allowed to leave.</p><p>“And?”, he pressed.  The beast instide his head raised its metaphorical head in interest.</p><p>The boy looked terrified, taking another step back. This time Jack followed, stepping closer to the boy. The boy gulped, opening his mouth a few times without saying anything. Jack`s patience was coming to an end.</p><p>“What, boy?”, he snapped, his voice cold and hard.</p><p>The boy staggered back. His back hitting the closed door.</p><p>“He said that he adapted it to your level of skill. Even you should be able to solve this one.”, the boy looked at his feet.</p><p>White, hot rage flashed through Jack`s mind. His head filling with an animalistic roaring sound.</p><p>Before Jack could control the violent urge, his body had already grabbed the boy. Lifting him by his throat, his face inches from the boy’s terrified one.</p><p>“Say that again!”, Jack whispered. His voice rid of any emotion. The boy shuffled his feet, trying to get on his toes, to reduce the pressure on his throat enough to speak.</p><p>“His words not mine, sir. I would never say anything like that. I swear, please!”, tears filled the boy`s eyes. Something like guilt settled in Jack`s body. He wrestled the stowaway back under control.</p><p>Jack took a few steps back. The boy fell forward, he was wheezing. Trying to get some much-needed air into his lungs. Jack let him have a few moments before he opened his mouth again. Asking the question that had been buzzing around his head for a while now.</p><p>“Him? It’s not her? It’s not Harley Quinn?” The boy’s eyes grew impossible big, reminding Jack of dinner plates.<em> It would be fun to cut them out if he doesn`t speak soon, </em>his inner voice whispered, sounding far away, but there, nonetheless.</p><p>“No, at least I don`t think so, sir. I have only ever spoken with him. I don`t know who else is involved.”, the boy stood up, leaning against the door once more. His hand grabbing the doorknob. Jack could have easily stopped him he was sure of that. But he had just gotten his control back, he couldn`t risk waking his stowaway again.</p><p>With a little wave of his hand, he dismissed the boy. The boy threw the door open, bolting outside and disappearing as fast as he could. Jack paid him no mind. The boy didn`t know anything just a pawn in an interesting game. Jack looked down at the card in his hand, staring at the little question mark for a few moments.</p><p>It stirred something inside him. It wasn`t as easily identified as the feelings Jim Gordon had awoken inside him. These feelings were far more complicated, many different emotions interwoven. Annoyance, amusement, respect, hate, arrogance and countless more. He knew this question mark and he had no idea how he felt about that.</p><p>But the one emotion he could differentiate quite clearly was excitement.</p><p>This game promised to be exciting.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack solves a riddle. </p><p>Kudos and comments are love and I really appreaciate every single one.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Light above water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack sat cross-legged on his couch, the business card lying innocently in front of him.</p><p>He stared at it unblinkingly. The business card however, remained ridiculously unhelpful. Jack bit his lip in frustration. He had been in this position for the last few hours, ever since he came back from his little excursion to the GCPD, and he was slowly losing his patience.  </p><p>Jack had called in sick for the rest of the week. His boss had not been pleased, but Jack couldn’t care less. He had finally found something worth his while, and he would be damned if he stopped for something as dreary as his job.</p><p>While he hated to admit it, Jack hadn’t made any progress solving the riddle so far. The mysterious someone was probably having a blast thinking about Jack failing. Jack bit his lip even harder. He hated being played with, and this mysterious man was better worth the effort he was putting into this test.</p><p>Jack cocked his head, reaching for the business card. He brought it close to his face, squinting at it. It remained blank except for the question mark. The white color of the card was completely smooth, not a single pixel out of place. The question mark however seemed almost black, only barely counting as green.</p><p>The persistent voice at the back of his head told him that he should know what this means, he should be able to solve the riddle just by looking at the sign.</p><p>With a sigh Jack tossed the card back onto the couch. He stood up, popping his joints.</p><p>He had hoped to avoid it, somehow knowing, that the mysterious man would sneer at him for it, but Jack had arrived at a dead end. With another deep sigh, Jack took his cellphone and typed “question mark Gotham” into the search bar.</p><p>He instantly had all the answers he needed. Same as Harley Quinn, the Riddler was a well-known character in Gotham city. Apparently infamous for his hard puzzles, his eccentric looks and his notable crimes. The Riddler had run circles around the GCPD for years.</p><p>That didn’t help Jack’s mood at all. Knowing that he was as incompetent as Jim Gordon and his bunch of idiots was downright insulting.</p><p>But now he knew at least with whom he was dealing with. That gave Jack a little bit of insight into his current situation.</p><p>He looked back down at the business card. Apparently, he was dealing with an infamous riddle solver. So, there was probably a riddle written somewhere on this business card. It wasn’t a key of some sorts or a membership card of some club Jack had once belonged to. It really was a puzzle in the realest sense of the word.</p><p>With newfound interest Jack picked the card up. If there was a riddle on there, it had to be invisible, and Jack had to reveal it somehow.</p><p>But what kind of invisibility could it be? Invisible ink? Something only visible under black light?</p><p><em>Lemon juice</em>, the voice inside his head whispered. He didn’t know exactly what a lemon had to do with this, but he was at the end of his rope and if the annoying voice had a plan, he was fine with that.</p><p>Slowly walking into the kitchen Jack opened the fridge. It was pathetically empty, but a single lemon lay in one of the drawers. It had originally been planned for the tequila bottle next to the microwave. Well, it didn’t matter now. Jack took the lemon and for good measure the bottle as well.</p><p>Cutting the lemon in slices, he opened the bottle and gulped down a generous amount. Jack squeezed the lemon slice in his fist, letting the juice drop on the business card, using his hand to spread the juice evenly.</p><p>Then he waited, sipping the bottle absent-mindedly. Nothing happened. Jack groaned turning from the card and leaning his body against the counter.</p><p><em>Well done,</em> he thought bitterly, hoping the inner voice would hear him. He was still not absolutely sure how the whole different voice inside his own head business went. But he hoped that it felt offended.</p><p><em>You need warmth, you moron., </em>a voice answered. So, it could get offended that was good to know. Jack was not in the mood to think further about the fact that his unwanted subtenant had just answered.</p><p>He turned around, putting his bottle on the counter and took the card. Without much thought he walked into the bathroom and turned on the hair dryer.</p><p>This was not how he normally spent his nights, but he had to admit in a twisted way it was more fun than he has had in a long time.</p><p>And finally, the card changed. On the once white background sentences, numbers and single letters appeared. Jack put the hair dryer down staring at the newly emerged handwriting eagerly.</p><p>
  <em>I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?</em>
</p><p>Under those words were letters and numbers in no discernible pattern written. Jack was getting tired of this game. The voice in his head silently agreed.</p><p><em>Any idea?,</em> Jack asked the voice, hoping for another hint of what he should do but the voice stayed quiet. It had been surprisingly peaceful the whole day.</p><p>Jack just sighed tiredly, leaving the bathroom to drop back down on the couch. This was going to be a long night.</p><p>Just when Jack wanted to go back to analyzing the riddle given to him, he heard something outside his window. Jack sat up immediately, staring at the window intently. Nothing was out there, but he could have sworn….</p><p>Jack moved closer to the window. It was pitch black outside; the streetlamp broken once again.</p><p>Jack pressed his face against the window. He shielded his eyes from the light, trying to see past his reflection. Just when he was sure that he must have imagined it, a dark shadow flew past his window landing on the opposite balcony. It was the size of a man. Before Jack could try and see the creature more clearly, it was gone. Fading into the shadows like it had never been there at all.</p><p>Jack leaned back slightly. Balancing on his heels for a moment before he turned around, leaning his back against the window and closing his eyes.</p><p>He felt warmth spread through his body. Excitement like he had never felt it before pulsed through his veins. He choked on the feeling of longing. What he longed for he was not sure, but some primal part of him wanted to jump out of the window and follow that mysterious shadow across the roofs of Gotham. Running through the maze that were Gotham’s streets, claiming the city once more.</p><p>Jack opened his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?</em>
</p><p>A map. It was a map. He was sure of it. He didn’t know where the answer came from, but the sighting of the shadow had brought him his answer.</p><p>Jack stared back down at the card, the writing nearly invisible again, only barely readable. But the letters and numbers were coordinates, leading him to the Riddler.</p><p>Jack smiled. He had finally found a way of solving the mystery that was his former life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, I am going to be completely honest: I am not entirely happy with this chapter, but well it is necessary to get Jack where I want him to be.</p><p>I hope you still enjoyed it. The next chapter is going to be more interesting, I promise. Let me know what you think, because you know: Kudos and comments are love. </p><p>Next chapter: A reunion between old colleagues, or something along that line.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Breaking the surface</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, my lovely readers. So sorry for the delay but life got in the way. However, I am quite happy with this chapter and I hope you will enjoy it as well.</p><p>I wish you a lovely easter (or just a normal week) and stay safe.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jack had imagined his destination after following the coordinates, he had thought he would end up in some dire apartment block far away from the richer parts of Gotham. Dirty and shabby, hard to find. Suitable for a wanted criminal.</p><p>He had been wrong.</p><p>The house he was standing in front of was nice. Not pretentious like a few of the other houses in the neighborhood but cozy, with a nice garden and an inviting façade.</p><p>Jack was not convinced that this was the right place, but he rang the doorbell, nonetheless. For a few minutes nothing happened. Just when Jack contemplated ringing the doorbell again, the front door was torn open.</p><p>The man standing in the door was tall, bespectacled, and dressed in a green suit. On his head he wore a bowler. He eyed Jack for a long moment, his eyes roaming his body from head to toe. Jack felt like he was searching for something. When their eyes met again, the man looked bemused.</p><p>“You are late!”, he snapped, turning on the spot and walking back inside. Jack stayed put for a moment, perplexed by this welcome.</p><p>But this was obviously all the invitation he was going to get. Jack followed the strange man, the Riddler for sure, inside the house, letting the door click shut behind him.</p><p>He walked down the brightly lit corridor, heading for the open door at the very end. He looked around curiously, trying to absorb as much information as possible. The corridor gave not much away. It was cozy and tidy like the façade of the house had promised but it was impersonal. No photographs, no motivational quotes, not a single thing out of place.</p><p>Stepping through the door, Jack saw the Riddler bent over some mechanical parts. He was obviously quite busy, judging from the sheets and tools covering nearly every surface of the kitchen.</p><p>“Take a seat. Don’t touch anything. God knows what you could do in your current state.”</p><p>“My current state?”, Jack asked, a little offended but took a seat anyway.</p><p>“Yeah, they must have fried your brain entirely if you needed that long to find me!”, the Riddler murmured, not even looking up from his current project.</p><p>Jack felt insulted, a light buzzing sound filling his mind. But answers were more important right now than showing this dipshit his place.</p><p>“<em>They</em>? Who exactly are <em>they</em>? And what did they do to me?”, Jack asked as politely as possible.</p><p>This made the Riddler stop. Slowly he turned around, a screwdriver in hand, staring at Jack with newly awakened interest.</p><p>“You don’t remember? Nothing at all?”</p><p>Jack just barely managed not to roll his eyes. This guy seemed to have no clue what had happened to Jack, he was probably wasting his time by being here. But it was the only lead he had, and he would follow it to the very end.</p><p>“I remember nothing prior to opening my eyes nearly five months ago in the Gotham General.”</p><p>The Riddler was openly staring now. He had even put the screwdriver away, leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed instead.</p><p>“Nothing. You remember nothing? You have no idea who you are? Or what you did?”</p><p>Jack shook his head. The Riddler seemed to have forgotten how to blink, the eyes staring at Jack were the size of dinner plates.</p><p>“And you don’t remember me at all? Nor which connection we had?”</p><p>Jack was getting a little frustrated with all these repetitive questions, but he shook his head anyway.</p><p>A shit-eating grin nearly split the Riddler’s face in two. He was chuckling lowly, his eyes never leaving Jack’s face. Then he lost his composure completely. Laughing heavily, he leaned forward, his hands resting on his thighs. His whole body shaking with mirth.</p><p>The voice in Jack’s head resurfaced with vigor, whispering things about murder and torture and other glorious things.</p><p>Jack struggled to stay in control.</p><p>“And what exactly is so funny about the whole thing?”, Jack’s voice sounded different once more, closer to the voice he heard in his head.</p><p>The Riddler stopped laughing instantly, his gaze focusing on Jack’s face instead. With a few fast strides he was in Jack’s personal space, with a gloved hand he grabbed Jack’s chin. Turning his face from one side to the other, he followed Jack’s eyes with his gaze.</p><p>„He is in there! “, he murmured barely loud enough for Jack to hear. He tore his gaze from Jack’s face and put some distance between them.</p><p>He leaned back against the kitchen counter, his hands clasped, two fingers lying against his mouth. Obviously deep in thought. Jack was not sure what had just happened but the look on the Riddler’s face told him to stay quiet. For the time being he obeyed.</p><p>The Riddler started pacing, murmuring to himself. Jack’s inner voice was running out of patience, at this point Jack had deduced that his former self must have had very little patience in general. But Jack didn’t dare to interrupt. He needed help, as much as he loathed to admit that and if getting said help required him to sit still for a few minutes he would gladly do so.</p><p>Suddenly the Riddler spun back around, a smile on his face.</p><p>“Okay this is what we are gonna do. I will help you!”</p><p>Jack felt relief flood his body, a weight being lifted from his shoulders. He opened his mouth to express his gratitude, when the Riddler raised one finger, signaling him to stay quiet.</p><p>“But I will not tell you who you are!”</p><p>Jack´s emotions changed so fast, it left him feeling dizzy. Hot, burning hatred flooded his body. He had the Riddler pinned against the kitchen counter before he had even realized he had moved.</p><p>“And what exactly do you mean by that!”, he snarled, his face only inches from the Riddler’s.</p><p>The Riddler was wheezing for a few seconds, struggling against Jack’s hold. Then a shock ran through Jack’s body, forcing him to take a step backwards. The Riddler held a little object in one hand, gripping his throat with the other. He must have hit Jack with an electric shock.</p><p>The hatred in Jack was gone as quickly as it had come. He felt tired and alone.</p><p>Jack sat back down, looking up at the Riddler, who was staring at him curiously.</p><p>“The person who makes it has no need of it; the person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it?”</p><p>Jack didn’t feel up to solving any riddles, so he just shrugged.</p><p>“A coffin.”, the Riddler answered slowly. “Touch me again and you will need one.”</p><p>Jack didn’t have the energy to tell him that he would have no chance in a fight. So he just stayed quiet.</p><p>“So where was I, before I got so rudely interrupted?”, the Riddler asked, scratching his head with the shocker. Jack hoped that it would malfunction and fry his brain.</p><p>“Ah yes. I <em>am</em> going to help you, but I won’t serve you all the answers on a silver platter. I will give you something even better!”</p><p>Jack was pretty sure that another riddle was coming and the voice inside his head resurfaced just to sigh tiredly.</p><p>“I turn once, what is out will not get in. I turn again, what is in will not get out. What am I?”</p><p>This time Jack knew the answer without really thinking about it.</p><p>“A key.”, he said, looking up. The Riddler looked a little put out that Jack had solved this riddle so easily. But he answered anyway.</p><p>“Yes. I will give you a key. You have to find the truth for yourself.”</p><p>“Why? Is this the only way to find my way back to my true self, or something?”</p><p>The Riddler snorted contemptuously. “No because this is the best riddle ever! And it would be a shame if you wouldn’t solve it the old-fashioned way. Really I am a little put out that I never thought of it.”</p><p>This time the hatred came rushing back, his muscles tensed and the voice in his head snarled. The Riddler must have seen a shadow of it pass over his face because he lifted the electro-shocker threateningly. For just a second Jack contemplated beating the truth out of him, but then he deflated. It was no use, the Riddler had probably a lot more cards up his sleeve than an old-fashioned shocker. They were in his territory after all.</p><p>“What is the key?”</p><p>The Riddler smiled triumphantly. And wouldn’t it be a shame if someone wiped that smug look off his face? Jack clenched his fists.</p><p>“I am glad you asked.”, with one smooth movement the Riddler spun around. When he faced Jack again, he held a card between his fingers.</p><p>Jack made a face, looking at the card disdainfully. The Riddler smirked.</p><p>“Don’t worry it’s no riddle. It’s an admission ticket for the party Bruce Wayne is hosting tonight.”</p><p>Hesitantly Jack took the ticket, even though he had no idea how that would help him to remember.</p><p>“And what should I do there!”</p><p>The Riddler looked at him like he had grown a second head.</p><p>“Drink, dance, socialize. Have you never been to a party?”, he turned away, returning to his current project like he had never abandoned it in the first place.</p><p>“Now go away, I have more important things to do.”, he made a dismissive gesture.</p><p>Jack took a few steps in the direction of the door, then he turned back around.</p><p>“You know, right now I don’t remember who I am, but when I do, I will <em>remember</em> how you treated me today.”, his voice was barely above a whisper, but the Riddler threw him a look anyway.</p><p>“Don’t worry I won’t be here when the time comes.”</p><p>Without another word Jack left the house, the entrance ticket clutched in one hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: The appearance we have all been waiting for. </p><p>I am so happy about every single comment and kudos I receive. So... How about some more? XD Thank you.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A breath of fresh air</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, dearies.</p><p>Here I am with an early update and bearing good news. I had last week off, and therefore had time to continue this fanfiction. Now that I am a few chapters ahead, I decided to update this story two times a week! I hope you are as happy about this as I am. :)</p><p>Now, let's get to the interesting part.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In retrospect Jack was pretty glad that he hadn’t had any significant social life prior to that night. Because honestly the party was simply <em>dreadful</em>.</p><p>His borrowed tuxedo was ill fitting, the guests were uninteresting prudes and the music wasn't catchy at all.</p><p>At least the drinks were for free.</p><p>Jack was still not sure what exactly he was supposed to be doing here, nothing conspicuous had happened so far. After circling the room a few times, looking for anything noteworthy, he was now leaning against a wall, a drink clasped in his hand, observing the mundane happenings of Gotham’s upper class.</p><p>It was not nearly as interesting as Jack had anticipated. Polite smiles and blank stares, hateful words dripping like honey. Not a single truth told.</p><p>Jack felt eyes studying him, wondering about his presence. In his ill-fitting clothes Jack stood out like a sore thumb. Whispers and stares following him around. Jack didn't care, he was used to being the odd one out.</p><p>His inner voices had been quiet the whole evening probably bored to death by now. Jack kind of missed them.</p><p>His eyes were drifting across the dancefloor, his attention not focused on anything in particular. Just a faceless crowd.</p><p>Jack had looked forward to seeing the host, but one of the waiters had informed him, that nobody had seen Bruce Wayne in months. Jack found it a little rude, not showing up to one’s own party, but who was he to judge the mannerism of a billionaire.</p><p>Jack took another sip of his drink, his eyes roaming the dancing people. <em>Boring</em>. Maybe it had been a cruel joke. Maybe the Riddler had just gotten tired of him and had therefore given him this ticket. Just to get rid of him.</p><p>Jack was just contemplating leaving when something caught his eye. He stood alert instantly. There in the crowd she was, moving gracefully across the dancefloor, her arms slung around an older man’s neck.</p><p>Her hair was unmistakable.</p><p>It was the woman. <em>Pamela</em>. He had thought the whole interaction had been a dream, caused by one-to-many glasses. But there she was, her red hair flowing down her back in a shimmering waterfall made of fire.</p><p>He had really been drugged. She has had the audacity to drug <em>him</em>.</p><p>Someone must have carried him home afterwards, probably one of her goons.</p><p>Putting the glass on one of the fragile looking tables, Jack made a beeline for the hypnotic red hair.</p><p>She didn't see him coming, her back turned towards him. The man had his hands daringly low on her hips, tugging her close and just swaying loosely to the beat.</p><p>Jack tapped her on the shoulder. Her head whipped around, her eyes instantly focusing on his.</p><p>Jack grinned, his grill on full display. With a roar the voices inside his head reawakened.</p><p>“Oh it's you.”, she said condescending. Without paying her partner another thought she turned fully towards him. Jack could feel the hateful look the other man was throwing his way, but he must be used to this kind of behavior, because he just mumbled something about drinks and left.</p><p>Jack stared at the young beauty, equal parts fascinated and annoyed by her easy confidence.</p><p>Without another word she turned around and walked towards the opposite end of the room. Jack stood flabbergasted, staring after her retreating form. She turned back around, her heels clicking against the marble floor.</p><p>“What are you waiting for? A written invitation?”, her smile was disdainfully, but no less beautiful.</p><p>Jack hated being talked down to, but he followed her anyway.</p><p>When they walked past Pamela's date she took one of the glasses he held, otherwise ignoring him completely.</p><p>“What do you need him for? Urine samples?”</p><p>Pamela threw him a dirty look.</p><p>“No. If you must know he is one of the lawyers who will decide the fate of the protected area outside of Gotham.”</p><p>Jack looked at her blankly. This should obviously mean something to him, but he came up blank.</p><p>Her look got pitiful. Jack hated it instantly.</p><p>“So, you are still useless? What are you even doing here if you can't remember?”</p><p>Jack's inner voice cackled deranged, thinking about cutting her into little pieces. Jack shook his head forcefully trying to get rid of the appealing image. God, every part of himself hated this woman.</p><p>She just lifted an eyebrow.</p><p>“Listen, I have important matters to get back to. So, tell me what you need or get lost.”</p><p>Her tone left no doubt that the feeling was mutual.</p><p>“Listen, bitch. You assaulted me. Drugged me and took my blood and I want to know why.”</p><p>Her eyes hardened; her lips pressed into a thin line. Jack was usually more polite, especially to a woman but something about her just set him off.</p><p>“I wanted to help you. God knows why, you are the same asshole as before. It’s obviously not possible to cut this part out of your brain.”</p><p>“Cut my brain? What are you even talking about?”</p><p>Pamela sighed as if it physically hurt to talk to Jack.</p><p>“Listen. I don't like you and I don't want to help you. So why don't you just go away and…!”, but Jack never heard what exactly he should do with himself because at this moment the elevator door opened, and a shot was fired. People screamed.</p><p>Pamela's gaze snapped to the elevator and Jack turned around as well.</p><p>“Shit, I had hoped she would be fashionable late as always!”, Pamela muttered and without sparing him another glance, she walked off.</p><p>Jack couldn't see the elevator, a panicked crowd in his way, but he heard the voice well enough.</p><p>“Hello, boys!”, she shouted. Her voice melodic and full of mirth. “I hope we are not too late. Are there any snacks left?”</p><p>He would have recognized that voice anywhere.</p><p>Even if he hadn’t dreamed about her nearly every night for the last four months. Somewhere in his soul her voice was anchored. Deeply rooted within.</p><p>He moved without thinking, feeling like his gravity point had changed. Pulling him forward instead of down.</p><p>“Come on guys, there is no reason to panic, I am just hear to have some fun.” Jack wasn’t sure what she was doing, he was still too far away. Nobody gave way to him, therefore slowing him down considerably.</p><p>The people around him frozen, not even daring to breathe.</p><p>The only sound were her footsteps; she was obviously moving around.</p><p>“Oh, look at that. Those are mini corncobs!”, she must have moved towards the buffet. Jack was still moving forward, feeling dumbfounded looks following him. He didn't care. His only goal was reaching her.  </p><p>“Tubby, would you look at that. These are mini corncobs. Aren't those cute?“ Heavy footsteps moved towards Harley's voice.</p><p>Jack nearly rolled his eyes.Some instinct told him that Harley really was just here because she was bored. This party crashing had no reason whatsoever.</p><p>“Yeah, miss!”, a dumb voice answered.</p><p>Harley laughed happily, her boots clacking softly when she jumped in glee. Suddenly her laughter broke off. A sound like an angry cat, escaped her. Jack had only three more rows to go before he would finally reach his goal.</p><p>“No!”, Harley growled lowly. “No, no, no. Tubby do you see that! She is wearing <em>my</em> dress!”</p><p>Jack stopped moving, he was far enough to the front that he could finally see her but wouldn´t be seen in return.</p><p>He felt like he took the first lifesaving breath after being suffocated for far too long. Her face was just as beautiful as in his dreams. Her hair was pinned up in a colorful bun. One of her eyes was painted red, the other was black. Her makeup simply flawless. Her feet were tucked in some black combat boots. And the dress she was talking about was red, tight and low cut at the bosom but fluffy and with a lot of tulle from her waist downwards. It stopped just under her knees.</p><p>Jack's gaze returned to her face, which was currently showing an Oscar worthy pout.</p><p>Her gaze was fixed on a woman outside of Jack's field of vision.</p><p>“Don't you know that it's impolite to wear the same dress as another woman!”, Harley said, taking a few steps towards the woman.</p><p>Jack didn't see if the woman tried to run or if she was rooted to the floor in fear, but it didn't matter. Like a striking cobra, Harley jumped forward.</p><p>She must have thrown herself directly at the woman, because the next thing Jack heard was a scream and a nauseating crunching sound, as the head of the woman hit the ground.</p><p>A small part of Jack hoped that she lost consciousness soon, because the next minute was filled with awful cutting sounds and gurgling screams.</p><p>Jack didn't see what happened, the crowd around him was whispering alarmed, some were sobbing hysterical. He just hoped that she would come back into his field of vision. He missed looking at her, it finally felt like he belonged.</p><p>And then Harley was laughing again, jumping to her feet. Jack could finally see her again, the front of her dress now covered in red stains, differing from her red dress.</p><p>She was spinning around, looking happily down at her swirling gown.</p><p>“Tubby! Look! Now my dress is unique again.”</p><p>A man in the first line moved a little, blocking Jack's view on Harley and that was just unacceptable.</p><p>Without wasting another moment Jack moved again, only stopping when he finally broke through the crowd. His gaze still fixed on Harley, finally unobscured.</p><p>Harley was still spinning, laughing freely. Her face alight with childish glee. Suddenly she stopped, her gaze focused directly on Jack, her mouth hanging open, the touch of a smile still there.</p><p>“J?”, she whispered, her voice only audible because the whole room had stopped breathing altogether. Jack just stared at her, afraid that the would wake up again, if he even so much as blinked.</p><p>Her face broke into a grin.</p><p>“Mr. J!”, she screamed and ran towards him. It had something dangerous. She still held a bloody knife in one hand and her dress was covered in blood as well, swaying behind her.</p><p>Had Jack thought clearly, he would probably have taken a step back, trying to blend into the crowd. But he wasn´t thinking clearly. His whole body yearned for her, so he took a step forward instead, catching her as she threw herself into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her, breathing deeply. She smelled like blood and sweat and home.</p><p>She was shaking uncontrollably and for a second he thought she was crying, then he heard her laughter.</p><p>She leaned slightly away, hungrily searching his face. He stared back and, in this moment, nothing existed except for two of them.</p><p>“Where have you been? I have been burning down this city looking for you.”</p><p>Jack just kept looking. He was not sure what to even tell her. The voice inside his head was disgusted by this public display of affection. Another part of him was nearly purring with contentment.  And Jack? Jack was not sure what he felt at all. He was satisfied to just keep looking at her, afraid that talking would break the spell.</p><p>She frowned, looking closely into his eyes. Her nose nearly touching his.</p><p>“You are not you, are you?”, she asked softly. Quietly enough that only he could hear it.</p><p>He swallowed thickly, his eyes searching hers before he shook his head. He averted his eyes. She lifted one hand putting it just beneath his left eye.</p><p>“But I can see him.”, her breath ghosted across his lips. Sirens were heard outside; he could already see the police lights flashing through the night.</p><p>“I need to go. Are ya coming?”, she smiled cheekily. But her eyes remained serious. Jack felt like he got X-rayed. He felt like she could strip away every layer of his personality and tell him exactly what was wrong underneath. In this moment she felt every part the psychiatrist she had once been and he hated it.</p><p>Jack turned away, realizing for the first time that every single pair of eyes was focused on them. His arms still slung around Harley’s hips, her arms thrown around his neck, their faces inches from each other.</p><p>He could go with her. All these people here had seen them together anyway. He would get questioned, probably suspected. Nothing was waiting for him at home.</p><p>And still, something didn’t sit right with him. He didn’t want to follow. At least not as some trophy picked up from some heist.</p><p>Looking back at her, gazing into her hopeful eyes, he shook his head. Her face fell.</p><p>“What about a kiss goodbye?”, the voice in his head was obviously rolling its eyes. But Jack leaned closer anyway, giving permission. Her face broke into a grin.</p><p>In one quick movement she pressed her lips against his, lingering for only a moment before she turned around and bounced into the direction of the staircase.</p><p>Kicking the door open, she turned around one last time.</p><p>“Thank you, it’s been a blast. My regards to the host!”, she bowed sarcastically. Straightening, she winked at Jack and skipped down the stairs, followed by her man.</p><p>When the door fell shut, hell broke loose. People were screaming, some of them crying. A few still staring at Jack, who was standing forlorn in the middle of the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack is sick of the GCPD and gets a lift home.</p><p>I know what you are thinking. Why? Why couldn't he just go with her. Well, he is freaking stubborn, isn't he? </p><p>If you would like to yell at me or just get in touch: <a href="https://essiggurkee.tumblr.com">Essiggkurkee</a></p><p>As always: Kudos and comments are love. And thanks for all the love this fanfiction has already gotten. You are the best.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Fighting against the tide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, lovely readers.</p><p>I feel like I am spoiling you. XD<br/>Another chapter already. And there will be a third one this week. A small but interesting one. I promise. </p><p>But for now, have fun with this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The GCPD really needed a new interior design because the interrogation rooms were simply dreadful. Jack couldn’t wait to leave, but so far, he had been sitting in this particularly dark room for half an hour, waiting to be questioned.</p><p>By now someone must have told the story about how the crazy clown woman had thrown herself into his arms. So, he was probably the number one suspect right now.</p><p>Jack sighed. He was tired and confused and he just wanted to go home. He leaned back, balancing on the back legs of his chair, staring unseeingly at the ceiling. It was just as boring as the rest of the room.</p><p>Finally, the door buzzed open and with a clatter Jack toppled back on all four legs. Commissioner Gordon walked slowly into the room, balancing two cups of coffee on top of a thick file. Putting the file down carefully, he handed Jack one of the cups.</p><p>Jack took a cautious sip but to his surprise it was black and scalding hot, just like he liked it. Grateful he gulped down half of it in one go.</p><p>“I was really hoping we wouldn’t see each other again anytime soon.”, the commissioner mumbled, rubbing his eyes absentmindedly.</p><p>“Well, you know how to charm a guy, commissioner!”, Jack grumbled back. But he was tired as well, not really in the mood for games. His voices had left him hours ago when the police officers had stormed the ballroom.</p><p>“Okay, let’s cut the crap and get this over quickly.”</p><p>Jack laughed. “It’s like you are reading my mind.”</p><p>The commissioner fished an empty paper from the stack and pulled a pen from his chest pocket. He scribbled down something illegible.</p><p>“Why were you there?”, he looked at him imploringly.</p><p>“To have some fun.” Jack stared back. “Obviously.”</p><p>“Where did you get the invitation from?”</p><p>“A friend.”</p><p>“An old friend?”</p><p>“More like a fleeting acquaintance.”</p><p>They looked at each other, both determined not to lose this staring contest.</p><p>“Were you waiting for Harley Quinn?”</p><p>Jack smiled.</p><p>“Oh, as far as I know she doesn’t make plans.”</p><p>Gordon tipped his head sideways, his eyes never leaving Jack’s.</p><p>“And you would know. Wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Now they were getting somewhere. Jack’s smile grew.</p><p>“Is that so?”, he leaned forward. “Why? What should I know about her?”</p><p>Gordon smiled as well, but it didn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>“Well, you were looking for her, weren’t you? Hanging around with Nygma, talking with Isley, digging through your past. I just assumed you were trying to find her?”</p><p>And suddenly Jack didn’t feel like smiling anymore. He let his gaze slide to the coffee mug in his hands, running a finger along the rim of the mug.</p><p>Jack missed the voices. He felt abandoned, alone, and unsure of how to proceed. The only thing he was certain about, was that he couldn’t tell the truth.</p><p>He deliberately licked his lips. The commissioner followed the movement, looking a little unnerved.</p><p>“Well, if you must know I was abducted, just outside your little lair actually.”, he blinked innocently at the commissioner, leaning slightly forward while doing so. “Sooooo, I was feeling a little unsafe, you see? Assaulted, and that just outside the police building. Unbelievable. What is happening to this city, Jimmy?”</p><p>Jack was sure that Gordon’s right eye twitched. His smile returned.</p><p>“And since you haven’t even solved my first assault case, I thought I would take this matter into my own hands.”</p><p>He lifted his hands, showing them to Gordon. Lifting one nonexistent eyebrow mockingly. He heard a distant laugh inside his head.</p><p>Gordon sighed tiredly, running a hand through his hair.</p><p>“I am too tired for this shit.”, he folded his file back together while slowly rising from his chair.</p><p>“Go. But if I ever catch you with Harley Quinn or any of the other wanted criminals again, I am locking you up. Are we clear?”</p><p>Jack gave a mock salute, slowly sauntering towards the door.</p><p>“Crystal. Good evening, commissioner!”, he spun on the spot, opening the unlocked door. With his head held high, he walked towards the main entrance, pretending not to notice the looks following him.</p><p>Outside, the sun was already rising, throwing long shadows across the streets, the sky an enticing red, slowly fading into a blue sky.</p><p>As soon as Jack was free from the judging glances, his shoulders sacked. His whole body finally showing the bone deep tiredness he felt. Burying his hands in the pockets of his borrowed suit he shuffled towards the edge of the sidewalk, trying to beckon a taxi. But before he had even lifted his hand, a black car stopped right in front of him, the windows darkened.</p><p>Said window was slowly lowered, revealing a stylish interior. Jack leaned forward, squinting to see the occupant of the driver’s seat. There sat a man wearing a well-fitting suit. His head was turned towards Jack, his eyes obscured by dark sunglasses.</p><p>“Are you Jack?”, he asked, his voice dark and silky.</p><p>Jack nodded slowly, still unsure whom he was dealing with.</p><p>“Harley sends me to take you home.”, the man leaned over, opening the door for Jack.</p><p>Jack turned back around, looking towards the GCPD. He could feel eyes following his every move. He remembered Gordon’s last words. It was risky getting into an unfamiliar car right outside the police station. It wouldn’t take a genius to add two and two and sadly commissioner Gordon wasn’t an idiot. But Harley had sent the car, this was another connection to his former life and Harley gave him a choice.</p><p>He could turn around, walk home. Turn his back on his former life and her, live the boring, normal life of Jack Napier, an ordinary dock worker. Or he could get in. Dive deeper into the dark sludge his former life had apparently been.</p><p>Jack was hesitating. The voices inside his head were silent, obviously waiting for his next move. This was solely his choice and he was terrified.</p><p>The car driver was waiting patiently. He was staring straight ahead through the windshield, taking no further notice of Jack.</p><p>Taking a last deep breath Jack opened the door and got into the car. The engine roared to life and slowly they left the GCPD behind.</p><p>Jack breathed heavily, feeling like he had just run a marathon, his heart racing like something enormous had just transpired.</p><p>The reawakened voice inside his head was happily humming a little tune.</p><p>Jack turned his head gazing at the passing streets. For a few moments it was silent, only broken by Jack’s breathing while he calmed down slowly.</p><p>“Where to?”</p><p>Jack looked at the driver, studying his face intensely, hoping to get some feeling of recognition. He came up blank. The man threw him a questioning gaze, still waiting for an answer.</p><p>Jack mumbled the address, not taking his eyes of the driver, still hoping for something familiar.</p><p>“Did you know me? The former me?”</p><p>The man shot him a short glance, frowning.</p><p>“Yeah, I did.”, he went quiet again.</p><p>“You are the stoic, brooding kind, aren’t you?”, Jack asked, grinning widely, not even trying to hide his grill. If this man knew him before he must be used to it.</p><p>The man made a non-committal sound.</p><p>“What’s your name?”, Jack grew slowly tired of this one-sided conversation. His finger tapping to the beat of the still humming voice inside his head.</p><p>“I am Johnny Frost, sir.”</p><p>He was obviously not getting any information out of this one. He didn’t know why everyone was so eager to keep him in the dark. Something awful must have happened to him. Something everyone was glad he forgot.</p><p>He kept staring at the man, trying to get some reaction out of him but the man seemed unnervingly unfaced by Jack’s antics.</p><p>“You are used to me. I mean used to all of my…” he slowly licked his lips, trying to find the right word. “Quirks!” he finally settled on. He leaned even closer, resting his head on his hand.</p><p>Johnny didn’t even look at him, he just nodded and put the indicator on, turning into Jack’s street.</p><p>He stopped the car finally turning to Jack.</p><p>“We are here!”, he said unnecessarily, obviously dismissing Jack.</p><p>Jack clicked his tongue displeased. The voice inside his head stopped humming, turning eerily silent instead. A dark, cold hole inside his head.</p><p>“And I was okay with you talking to me like that?”, Jack asked, his voice colder than he had expected.</p><p>Johnny blinked, something like fear flashing across his face.</p><p>“No, sir. Of course not. My apologies.”, he averted his gaze submissive.</p><p>The voice in Jack’s head cackled and Jack joined in. Patting Johnny’s cheek excessively he turned around and opened the door.</p><p>“Thanks for the ride, Johnny boy!”</p><p>With one last smile thrown over his shoulder Jack left the car behind.</p><p>When Jack reached his apartment, he felt dead on his feet. Only slipping off his shoes, Jack fell on his bed otherwise fully clothed. Knocked out before his head had even hit the pillow.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Interlude One - James Gordon and Batman</p><p>Thanks for the amazing reactions to the last chapter. I was over the moon. </p><p>So keep commenting, and reading and leave kudos. Pretty please.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Interlude I - Batman and Jim</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, dearies. </p><p>So, I decided to include some Interludes, where we will get a different aspect of the story currently unfolding. They will be annoyingly short, but I hope that they will give this story an interesting twist. There won't be a lot of these, but they will appear every now and then. </p><p>This chapter is about Jim and Batman, and to better understand their motives, let me remind you that Batman lost Robin not that long ago. So, yeah, he probably isn't feeling his best. </p><p>But now, enough said, let's get this party started.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"He’s starting to remember."</p><p>Gordon was frantically pacing across the rooftop, hands clasped tightly behind his back. The dark shadow he was speaking to was unmoving. Barely visible in the darkness of the night. </p><p>"We knew that was a possibility.", the shadow answered. His voice calm and collected. Completely different from the agitated mess that was the police commissioner.</p><p>Gordon threw him a dirty look. "But we thought we would have more time. There was barely time to breath. Harley tore the city down looking for him. The mob bosses were confident enough to crawl out from under the stone they'd been hiding under and now he remembers."</p><p>The commissioner stopped pacing for a moment, his eyes taking on a faraway look. "He is going to be furious."</p><p>Taking a deep breath, the commissioner resumed his pacing. </p><p>The shadow sighed as well. "We still have time. He barely started remembering and maybe Harley will lose interest. He is not the same man he once was."</p><p>The commissioner stopped dead in his track, turning towards the shadow, looking incredulous. </p><p>"Maybe she will lose interest?”, he repeated mockingly, his voice three octaves higher than usual. “Are you even listening to yourself. This is Harley Quinn we are talking about! She worships the path he walks upon." </p><p>Batman sighed tiredly again.</p><p>"That's not true and you know it. She was unhappy and kept leaving with Poison Ivy. They would have broken up eventually. And now she could take his place, her life could be better with him gone."</p><p>Gordon was still staring. "Oh yeah! Of course! They would have broken up." His voice was dripping with sarcasm. Normally he wouldn't talk to Batman like <em>that</em>, but he had been against this plan from the very beginning. And he has had a few shitty months.</p><p>"And this time would have been different from the countless other times, because?" </p><p>"Because she got Poison Ivy. They were good together. Healthy." </p><p>Gordon's eyes were nearly popping out of his head. "Oh. Yeah. So, we changed one murderous duo for another. That was your great plan?" </p><p>Batman stayed quiet. Gordon threw his hands in the air and started pacing again. </p><p>"All of this is not important. The only important thing is: Our plan failed. He remembers. So, all this talk about healthy and unhealthy relationships between Gotham’s most notorious serial killers is for nothing. He won't let her go if he remembers and she won't leave him alone until he does."</p><p>Gordon threw Batman a look just to make sure that he was still there. </p><p>"So, what are we going to do? Should I arrest him? Keep him out of the way?"</p><p>"No, that may trigger his memory even faster. We have to leave him alone and hope that our treatment was strong enough to last just a little bit longer."</p><p>Gordon stopped again, running his hand through his already tousled hair.</p><p>"So, that's it? Doing nothing and hoping for the best?"</p><p>He knew he sounded petulant, but he was definitely getting too old for this shit. </p><p>"I will deal with it." </p><p>Gordon didn't need to throw a look at the place Batman had been standing to know he was gone. The conversation was obviously over. </p><p>Gordon sighed, walking towards the edge of the roof, looking across the city. <em>His</em> city. The one he had tried to protect for years on end.</p><p>He had hoped Batman's plan would work. They had been desperate. No matter how deep the hole in which they threw the Joker was, he kept crawling out. He was an unstoppable force. Bringing both of them to their breaking points. Never even breaking a sweat while doing so.</p><p>They had had only one last chance. They had to get rid of him. </p><p>It had been experimental, mostly unexplored but there had been a slim chance that it would work. They had been grasping at straws but they had done it, nonetheless.</p><p>If the Joker ever remembered the months of painful, experimental treatment they had put him through, he would go absolutely unhinged. Of that Jim was sure.</p><p>He felt a little twinge of uneasiness, thinking about the months Joker had spent in treatment. It had been unpleasant. Dr. Strange, the sick bastard, had been swooning about the prospect of getting his hands on the Joker. Maybe it had been the wrong thing to do.</p><p>
  <em>But it had been worth it.</em>
</p><p>Gordon balled his fists. He was not sure who he was even trying to convince but he would do what he always did, he would straighten his back and soldier on.</p><p>With another sigh Jim turned around, heading back inside. He just hoped Batman would find a way to keep the monster caged. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack gets an uninvited guest. </p><p>Okay, by now you are probably asking yourself: Why is she suddenly posting so much? And the answer is simple: Your comments. I am currently riding a high caused by your comments and I can't stop myself from wanting <em>more</em>. XD</p><p>The reaction to the last two chapters blew my mind. So, THANK YOU. You are amazing!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Awakening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun shining through his bedroom window tickled Jack’s face, dust glittering in the air when he blinked his eyes open lazily. For a second, he considered pulling the covers over his head, holding the world in check for a few more moments and falling back into the waiting arms of sleep.</p><p>But while he focused on the dancing particles in the air, his mind refreshingly quiet for once, he heard giggling. Jack frowned, careful not to make any sound while slowly sitting up.</p><p>Listening intensely, Jack threw a look at the clock on his bedside table. It was close to five p.m.</p><p>Jack stood carefully, tiptoeing closer to the bedroom door. It was closed. He could have sworn that it had been open when he fell face first on his bed in the early hours of the day.</p><p>Artificial laughing was heard, voices, some background music. The television had to be on. Jack reached carefully for the doorknob, trying to get a hold of the situation before he ran face first into trouble.</p><p>The melodic giggling was heard again. Jack froze, his hand millimeters from the doorknob. The voices in his head were quiet once again. They had been surprisingly non-hyper since the gala.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Jack took ahold of the doorknob and threw the door open. With a bang it hit the wall, plaster drizzling to the ground. He paid it no mind. His eyes fixed on the scene before him.</p><p>His television was indeed on. Some animated animals running across the screen. And in front of the television sat Harley Quinn, her focus solely on the television screen. One foot tugged under her, the other on the table before her. In her hand she held a bowl, shoving soaked cornflakes into her mouth with gusto.</p><p>For a few seconds only the TV was heard, then: “You had no fruit loops, so I bought some. Seriously what kind of life is that? No fruit loops.”</p><p>Her eyes were still focused on the screen, but it was obvious that she was talking to him.</p><p>Still not sure how to proceed, Jack decided to go with his day as if her presence was a normal occurrence. Shrugging he moved towards the kitchen, ignoring the fruit loops standing on the counter and heading straight for the coffee machine instead.</p><p>“I am not really into breakfast. Coffee works just fine.”</p><p>She giggled at the television in answer.</p><p>Wrapping his hands around the coffee mug, he sat on the other end of the couch, keeping as much distance as possible between him and Harley without seeming weird.</p><p>She didn’t seem to notice, chewing on an especially big mouthful of cereal.</p><p>He scrutinized her from the corner of his eyes. She was wearing a ridiculously big red sweater over some black pants. Her feet bare, except for some pineapple socks. Her long hair was worn in a messy bun, some strands framing her face. It was bare, with no makeup at all. She looked ridiculously young.</p><p><em>And vulnerable</em>, the darker part of his mind provided.</p><p>He averted his gaze, looking at the explosion of colors and cheerfulness dancing across his television screen.</p><p>“What a waste of time.”, he muttered, gulping half of the burning hot coffee down in one go.</p><p>Her head whipped towards him, the rest of her milk coming dangerously close to swapping over.</p><p>“That’s exactly what you always said.”, her eyes were bright, and her face broke into a smile.</p><p>He just frowned.</p><p>“Good for me.”</p><p>His feelings towards her had changed drastically. Yesterday he couldn’t take his eyes of her, intoxicated by her proximity and the danger she came with. The fear and despair around them doing nothing against the burning desire in his body.</p><p>Today she got on his nerves. What was she even doing here? He had not invited her at all! This was <em>his</em> place, and she was not welcome.</p><p>His feelings made no sense at all and he grew tired of not understanding his own mind. Her presence made matters only worse. Bringing additional urges to the forefront of his mind.</p><p>He tilted his head, his eyes finding hers, still staring at him in wonder.</p><p>“What are you doing here, Harley. I thought I made it clear that I am not coming with you.”</p><p>She lifted the spoon and took another bite of the disgusting sludge. He grimaced, taking another sip of his coffee.</p><p>“I wanted to see what’s keeping you. The life you are currently living.” She looked around the room, obviously disappointed. “I have to admit, I don’t get it at all. What’s keeping you?”</p><p>Jack didn’t answer right away, taking another sip of coffee instead. To be totally honest, he had no idea why he didn’t just go with her. His life was boring, he had no friends, no family, nothing to show.</p><p>And yet. Going with her would mean, working for her. He would have to subordinate his whole life to her wishes. Living with someone, depending on someone, trusting someone. He hated everything that entailed.</p><p>He liked being in control.</p><p>He felt Harley’s eyes burning holes into the side of his face, giving him the feeling of being x-rayed.</p><p>“You wouldn’t work for me you know. I mean you never…”, suddenly she stopped. Her face took on a contemplative expression. Slowly she chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes far away.</p><p>He didn’t like that look.</p><p>He cleared his throat pointedly.</p><p>For a few more seconds her eyes stayed unfocused, then her whole face lit up. Harley turned fully towards him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. He didn’t like this. Not. One. Bit.</p><p>“I mean we were a team, right? You and me, an unstoppable force. You will see.”</p><p>He turned to her as well, folding his legs beneath him.</p><p>“You and me? As a team?”</p><p>“Yeah, equal partners. Come on, puddin. That will be fun.”</p><p>She was slightly bouncing now, his coffee slouching dangerously in his mug.</p><p>“Don’t call me that.”, he said absent-minded. His mind going hundred miles per hour.</p><p>An equal business partnership. Business as in killing and kidnapping and threatening the whole city.</p><p>Ironically, he had a bigger problem with the other words. An equal partnership. Meaning she had as much say as he does. Every decision had to be made together. That didn’t sound better than working for her if he was being honest.</p><p>But what else could he want? He has never even committed a high-profile crime. Killing some stupid asshole in an alley was not the same as bringing chaos to the whole city.</p><p>
  <em>I am an agent of chaos. </em>
</p><p>The words rang in his ears.</p><p>A small part of his brain was shocked that he was even contemplating something as dreadful as this proposition. But he paid it no heed.</p><p>Harley was waiting patiently, not making a single sound. Another part of his brain wondered about how different she was from the girl he had met yesterday. Meeting her today she seemed as sane as all the other dull people he had met. Sane and boring. Tame even.</p><p>“No, I don’t think that I want that.”, he said slowly, a small part of him screaming that he should just take the blasted deal as long as he could.</p><p>“I am not really the relationship guy, you see. Being shackled to another human being and if only by a business deal is not really up my alley.”</p><p>He stood, heading towards the kitchen and so he missed the downright hurt expression flashing across Harley’s face.</p><p>And then it was like a switch had been flipped. One moment Harley was soft and vulnerable and at peace. In the next she was a vicious animal.</p><p>She tackled him to the ground, his coffee mug shattering in the process. His breath was pressed from his lungs and his head hit the floor quite painfully. The murderous beast in his head awoke with a roar. She was straddling him, a small knife pressed against his throat. A small part of him wondered where she had hidden that one, the rest was busy keeping the monster from strangling her on the spot.</p><p>“You are not leaving me again. You are coming with me. I just found you.” Her gaze burned. She looked every part the deranged clown princess that she was, and in that moment, Jack loved her.</p><p>Slowly he laid his hands next to his head, attempting to seem as non-threatening as possible.</p><p>Her face was inches from his, her breath tickling against his mouth. Her knife pressed into his throat, nearly drawing blood. The voice in his head had quietened down a bit, grumbling death threats in the back of his head.</p><p>“Harley. I think you want to take that knife away.” His words did nothing to placate her, her mouth turning downwards.</p><p>She leaned even closer.</p><p>“Make me.” It was barely a whisper, more of a breath against his lips.</p><p>The voice roared. Jack closed his eyes trying to hold onto his fast-slipping self-control. The knife pressed closer, finally drawing blood and Jack lost the fight.</p><p>Effortless, as if he had done it a thousand times, Jack turned them. Pinning Harley to the ground, her hands held above her head. The knife clattered away uselessly. Jack screamed in the back of his head, but the other guy had taken control.</p><p>He was leaning closer, his mouth inches from Harley’s ear. “What did you just say to me, pumpkin pie?”</p><p>He licked across her ear. Harley’s panting sounded unnaturally loud that close to his ear, but he wasn’t sure if it was in fear or something else. Slowly he straightened, looking down at her, feeling powerful and in control.</p><p>Her pupils were blown wide, her face breaking into a grin.</p><p>“Puddin.”</p><p>Jack could do nothing, as the other guy closed his hands around her throat and put pressure against her windpipe.</p><p>“I told you not to call me that, didn’t I?”, he pressed down harder. Harley wrapped her hands around his wrists, trying to pry his fingers away. He barely felt it.</p><p>Her eyes filled with tears, desperately gulping for air. The other guy didn’t move.</p><p>With a scream, Jack threw himself against the boundaries keeping him caged and ripped his hands away from Harley. He staggered backwards, staring at his hands as if they belong to someone else.</p><p>Harley was still lying on the floor, coughing violently. Tears running down her face.</p><p>Jack felt sick. This was the woman he had thought about for the past few months. Desperately yearning for her and now there she lay. Hurt by his own hands.</p><p>And the worst part was that a small part of him had loved it.</p><p>Without another look at her, Jack ran towards the door. Yanking it open and running down the stairs. Harley was yelling his name, or some version of it, but he paid her no heed.</p><p>Stumbling outside the door, he realized that it had started to rain. Heavy drops falling to the ground. His socks soaked in seconds and still he ran.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Dramatics in the rain.  </p><p>This is my favorite chapter so far. What do you think?</p><p>Kudos and comments are love. So give me love... *Puppy eyes*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Becoming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, lovelies. </p><p>I am sorry that I have been so absent these past few days (not answering your comments, not updating,...), but the workload I have to deal with at the moment is ridiculous. Still, I will update the promised two times a week. At the very least. And I will answer your comments as soon as possible and I still cherish every single one of them. So thank you. You are amazing. </p><p>But, enough of that, you have waited long enough. Enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The raindrops that fell incessantly on the still warm asphalt were only the vanguard for the dark clouds that slowly overran the once blue sky. The air had the palpable electricity of an approaching thunderstorm.</p><p>Jack paid the oncoming storm no heed, he was still running. He had neither a plan nor a destination and still he ran. Just to keep moving. His feet hurt, the socks barely enough to protect him from the hard concrete littered with trash. He was running from himself as much as he was running from her. He didn’t know where to go. Didn’t know where he belonged. All he knew was that he had to get away. He had to keep moving.</p><p>He couldn’t go home. It wasn’t safe there. She knew where he lived and probably where he worked too. Meanwhile she must have learned his whole pathetic tale, probably knowing more about him than he did. Just like everyone else, it seemed. It didn’t matter where he went, somebody always recognized him. There were eyes everywhere. Everyone was watching, waiting for his next move. It felt like he had to pass some test. A test everyone seemed to know about. Everyone except him.</p><p>He felt paranoid and at the same time knew that he wasn’t. Gordon, Harley, Ivy, the messenger boy and Nygma. They were the living proof that he wasn’t just imagining things.</p><p>And then there was the voice. The voice inside his head, growing stronger.</p><p>Jack didn’t know what he should do. Go with Harley and let the voice take charge? Stay here, in his pathetic but at least familiar and safe life?</p><p>Jack felt torn and unbalanced.</p><p>And so, he kept running. Maybe he should move. Go somewhere else where nobody knew him. Make a new start. But he didn’t know if he could do that. It meant leaving her behind. Never knowing the truth. Always the man with no memory.</p><p>She was his only chance of finding the truth. That much he knew.</p><p>He didn’t remember her and still she completed him. She made him feel alive, pulling him in with her unpredictable mood swings and violent urges. For a moment, memories of the Wayne gala flashed before his eyes. The fear and the pain. Terrified screaming echoing through the room. The scarlet blood differing from her otherwise red dress. And his heart jumped for joy.</p><p>He ran faster, while the rain increased steadily.</p><p>He was a man with no memory, and something told him that it was better for everyone involved if it stayed that way. Well, better for everyone except himself.</p><p>Jack just took a turn when something hit him hard against the chest. He fell backwards, catching the fall with his bare hands. The concrete burned against his palms, but Jack had bigger worries. Desperately gasping for air, he looked up at the looming figure above him.</p><p>Harley Quinn looked down at him, lazily popping a bubble gum and brandishing her baseball bat.</p><p>“And where exactly are ya going? Not running from me I hope?", she sounded genuinely offended, as if he hadn’t strangled her not that long ago.</p><p>Jack got up slowly. Harley let him, her head cocked, looking at him with mild interest.</p><p>Finally standing, he examined her more closely. She must have given him some time to cool down. Refreshing her makeup and doing her hair. It was now in her trademark ponytails. They were already soaked by the rain but her makeup was still on point. The comfy trousers and oversized hoody she was still wearing, did nothing against the striking figure she posed. She looked stunning and dangerous, and he couldn’t care less.</p><p>“I thought I made it clear that I want nothing to do with you. Are you stupid or just annoying?!”, he yelled. The frustration finally getting the better of him.</p><p>Harley poked him with her baseball bat, not hard enough to topple him again, but hard enough to bruise. "No." she said slowly. "No, no, no!" She shook her head violently, her hair flapping around her head. "That's not good enough. You're angry," she hit him with her bat again. "Then act like it, dammit!"</p><p>Anger, exhaustion, confusion, and shame. All the feelings he had kept well under wraps up to this moment, collapsed onto him. Representing themselves in an all-consuming anger.</p><p>"Touch me one more time with this bat and you will regret it.", he growled, sounding so different from his normal self that it would have startled him, if there had been room for another feeling than the burning rage. But Harley's eyes lit up as if he had just confessed his undying love. "Puddin!" She shrieked and rammed her baseball bat into the pit of his stomach one last time.</p><p>Faster than he thought possible, he grabbed the baseball bat and yanked it towards him. Harley obviously hadn't expected that and stumbled in his direction. In one fluid movement that he would have never believed himself capable of, he snatched the bat from her and slapped her with the back of his other hand.</p><p>She stumbled. Her cheek red and her lip cracked. Jack couldn't remember ever hitting a woman and yet the situation felt familiar. He felt powerful, he felt aroused, he felt at home for the first time in months. He tossed the baseball bat in the air and caught it by the handle.</p><p>Harley had turned to him in the meantime and when his eyes found hers, he saw them burn with the same excitement that consumed him. He held the end of the bat under her chin and forced her to lift her head.</p><p>"You will never raise your hand against me again," he muttered. Harley nodded and bit her lip. More blood leaked from her wound, staining her teeth red.</p><p>Jack didn't know what made him do it. Later at home he would tell himself that it had been the voice. That it had taken control again. That the whole situation was not his fault. But the truth was that there was no voice. Jack was all alone and he had never felt more like himself than he did in this moment, when he grabbed Harley by the neck and pulled her towards him.</p><p>The first flash of lightening broke the twilight, followed by a thunderous rumble.</p><p>Jack didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in the feeling of Harley’s lips eagerly meeting his. He had never felt more alive than when her lips moved against his and he could taste her blood and hear her whimper softly before she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself impossibly closer. He couldn't remember how long they stood so entwined, with rain soaking their clothes, forcing them to press even closer, chasing the heat the other was exuding before police sirens made Harley freeze.</p><p>She gave him a heated look, so full of promises for more, that he was inclined to just follow her before she gave him one last kiss, ripped the bat from his hand and became one with the night.</p><p>Jack was heading home, suddenly feeling the cold of the rain crawling into his skin. The anger and desire was slowly dripping out of him with every step he took back towards the constricting boundaries of his former life and he just knew that there was no way back. Not really.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you would like to get in touch: <a href="https://essiggurkee.tumblr.com">Tumblr</a></p><p>And I really love every single one of your comments, they always make my day. So, please more of them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Returning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello lovely readers. </p><p>Finally, another chapter. Thank you so much for your ongoing support and your patience. I love reading all your comments and thoughts on this story. It really means a lot. You are the best.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A loud hum, like a huge beehive, came from the three-story building in front of him. The cold night air, cleaned by the evening rain, seemed electrically charged as it pulsed to the rhythm of the distant beat.</p><p>The pulsing music and roar of the drunken crowd increased greatly as a door to the club opened and two heavily entwined bodies stumbled out.</p><p>Jack gripped the piece of paper in his hand a little tighter as he watched the two bodies rubbing against each other, leaning against the wall.</p><p>When Jack had arrived back home, every indication of Harley’s visit had been gone. No knife, no cereals. Only a small, folded note lying innocently on top of his kitchen counter. Jack had opened it curiously. In a neat, small handwriting was an address and a time. Jack had crumbled the piece of paper in his fist. He hated the feeling of being summoned.</p><p>And yet here he was.</p><p>Except for him and the still snogging couple, the alley was empty. He could still turn around. He could walk away and never look back. She would probably leave him alone if he didn’t show up tonight. This was his final test. He could go back to his normal, meaningless life. Safe and sound. Living and dying in utter insignificance.</p><p>Or he went through this door, she would take him into her world. He would probably die an early death. His life up to that point would be painful and fraught with loss but it would also be worth mentioning. He would probably leave this world with a bang.</p><p>Again, he looked at the kissing couple, barely hidden in the shadow of the building. And maybe someone would even miss him if he died at the end of that road.</p><p>Sighing Jack closed his eyes. If he was being honest, it had never been a particularly hard decision. Opening his eyes, Jack squared his shoulders and marched towards the closed door.</p><p>It seemed strange to Jack that no bouncer was guarding the entrance, but apparently its owners weren't overly worried about unwelcome visitors.</p><p>Jack put his hand on the doorknob. He hesitated for another moment, turning his head in the direction of the couple once more. It was now so close that he could have touched them.</p><p>The woman's eyes were open, staring at him unimpressed while her companion had his smacking, drooling attention on her neck.</p><p>The woman raised an eyebrow provocatively and Jack yanked the door open in one swift movement, walking inside.</p><p>For a moment, Jack felt stunned. The flickering lights and loud bass overwhelming his senses and the thick smoke stealing the air from his lungs.</p><p>Jack blinked rapidly while he stumbled a few steps further into the club. As his body got used to the sensory overload, he could see some details through the mist.</p><p>The room he was in was as strange as it was familiar. The hall was divided into two floors, with the first floor hanging over the first like a gallery and providing a good view of what was happening below. The view up however was hidden by a pane of glass and curtains.</p><p>On the lower floor were small stages that were separated from the rest of the club by a grid. In these stages women and men danced on poles, ropes and hoops. Their sweaty bodies bent in unnatural positions as they grinned at the raging crowd around them.</p><p>Jack pushed his way through the crowd and headed towards the great spiral staircase at the far end of the room. If he wanted to find Harley, he definitely had to get to the VIP area, that much was obvious.</p><p>Jack was repeatedly led off track by the moving crowd around him, slowly guiding him towards the middle of the room.</p><p>Just as Jack was about to push through a particularly thick cluster of people, someone grabbed his wrist.</p><p>“Hello sugar, in the mood for a dance?” Jack spun around, staring blankly into the face of a very young, very blond woman.</p><p>She might have been pretty if Jack's brain hadn’t immediately compared her to another blonde beauty.</p><p>“No, I am not in the mood!”, he did not apologize for it. The usual, social clichés after which he should put an 'I'm very sorry' in front of it, were repugnant to him. Instead, he tore himself away and tried to push his way further through the crowd.</p><p>But the woman was persistent, reaching for his hand again. “Oh, come on. Just one dance. I will make it worth your time.” She whispered the last words seductively as she raised his hand to her lips and began to suck on a finger.</p><p>Jack was just about to snatch his hand away and hit her with the other when her gaze landed on the tattoo on the back of his hand. As if she had burned herself, she let go of his hand, stumbling backwards. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize…! It won't happen again.” Before she turned and disappeared into the crowd, she threw one last pleading look upwards to the VIP area. Jack followed her gaze, but only saw a curtain sliding back into place.</p><p>Jack kept an eye on the curtain as he tried to sort through his emotions. The encounter left him unsettled. He felt soiled by the woman's careless touch. He didn't like physical contact, at least none he didn’t initiate. He would have liked to teach the woman a lesson. He would have liked to bang her head against the edge of a table nearby. He would have liked to see the blood turning her hair red.</p><p>Jack lost his balance and stumbled a few steps forward. He felt sick. Where did these thoughts come from? The woman had done nothing to validate his violent urges.</p><p>The voice in Jack's head hissed discontentedly.</p><p>Jack took a deep breath and then kept walking towards the stairs.</p><p>Jack reached the bottom of the stairs without further delay. He was just beginning to climb the stairs when a man approached him. The simple black suit and the expressionless face would have been enough indication, but the headset that stuck out of the man's ears clearly revealed his identity. Security.</p><p>In the few seconds the man needed to reach him, Jack had already planned his imminent death. The tie clip would come in handy. He would barely need any time at all, to get this man withering on the floor, pressing his hands against his bleeding face. Then the images faded, and Jack lifted his head to look in the unharmed face of the security man.</p><p>He crouched down slightly, just enough to put more force into his attack, should it be necessary. But the man made no move to stop his climb, making an inviting hand gesture instead.</p><p>“Miss Quinn awaits you, sir.”, the man added politely. Jack relaxed, while the voice in his head sighed disappointedly.</p><p>Slowly Jack climbed the last few steps, the man at his side held the curtains open, beckoning him inside. The room behind was enormous, dimly lit with many private booths. In the middle was a stage, similar to the ones on the lower level, and yet different in every aspect. The cage was bigger and, in the middle, stood a throne. Above the throne were some silk ropes and high in those ropes hung Harley. Her feet tangled in the ropes, she sat in a perfect split.</p><p>For a moment Jack checked the room. They were alone apart from the goons standing in every corner, their eyes politely averted.</p><p>The voice purred. He trained his eyes back on her. She was smiling.</p><p>“You came!”, she shrieked. Pulling her feet together and spinning downwards at breakneck speed. Jack already saw her head hitting the chair, but she stopped barely above the seat, plopping herself down graciously, her feet dangling over one armrest.</p><p>“I have to admit, I wasn’t sure. This new you is quite weird.”, she made an Oscar worthy pouty face. He rolled his eyes, a small part of him already done with this conversation.</p><p>“And still here I am.”, he looked around suspiciously. “Where exactly is here?”</p><p>Her eyes got that focused look, like she was slowly uncovering all his secrets. “This Puddin, is the castle of our kingdom.”</p><p>He slowly licked his lips, his eyes darting across every surface of the room, trying to get some sense of recognition. Without success.</p><p>“And what exactly is the plan? What am I even doing here? What do you want from me?”</p><p>Her lips lifted into a full-fledged grin.</p><p>“That’s the question, isn’t it? You are not you? So, who are you?”</p><p>“How should I know? I thought you would tell me?”</p><p>At this she broke into hysterics. Her head thrown back, her feet kicking. Her laughter sounded eerily in the otherwise quiet room.</p><p>The voice growled displeased.</p><p>“And why is that so funny.” It wasn’t Jack’s voice that came out of his mouth and everyone heard it. Harley stopped laughing instantly, the goons fidgeting nervously.</p><p>Harley stood up, slowly stalking up to him. Her eyes solely focused on his.</p><p>“Well, it’s funny because I <em>can’t</em> tell you.”</p><p>She stopped a few feet away, obviously keeping some safety distance between them. After what had happened earlier that day, he couldn’t even hold it against her. And still some part of him thought lesser of her for it.</p><p>“Because I don’t know. I don’t know what made you, <em>you</em>.” She came slightly closer. “I may have been the one closest to uncovering all your secrets. But I was not close enough.”</p><p>“Then you are kind of a shitty psychiatrist, aren’t you?”</p><p>She laughed again, throwing her head back exaggeratedly. Jack could see the dark marks he had left earlier that day. The voice in his head purred with pleasure.</p><p>“That’s rich coming from someone not even knowing himself, don’t ya think?” Jack narrowed his eyes. She was not intimidated in the slightest, even inching closer towards him.</p><p>“But we will figure it out. If he is still in there, we will get him out. And until then, I will have a lot of fun uncovering all his little secrets!” She was now standing directly in front of him, her finger lazily tracing his jaw. “Because you, my dear, have no poker face at all.”</p><p>Jack growled lowly, the voice in his head copying him.</p><p>She giggled, dancing out of his reach.</p><p>“Welcome back to the circus, puddin!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Harley and Jack bonding time (or something like that...)</p><p>Kudos and comments are love and I am grateful for every single one. If you like this story, please consider subscribing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Perceiving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack's steps seemed unnaturally loud as they echoed off the walls.</p><p>The entrance hall of the skyscraper they had entered was huge and ostentatious, more like a ballroom than an entrance hall. It was also empty, apart from the doorman watching them over the edge of his glasses, his hands clutching a newspaper tightly in front of him.</p><p>Harley didn't seem to notice the man, humming a soft tune as she danced barefoot towards the elevator. The heels in her hands clicked softly against each other and small drops of blood occasionally dripped onto the floor, standing out like dark rubies against the white marble floor. Jack glanced at the doorman, who didn’t seem particularly upset. He just averted his eyes from Harley's blood covered shoes and turned back towards his newspaper.</p><p>Jack let his gaze slide to the floor again and tried to feel something at the sight of the still fresh blood and the way it had gotten there. Disgust or guilt. Fear or compassion. But he felt nothing but exhaustion and indifference.</p><p> </p><p>They had been heading towards the exit, making their way through the crowd when Harley suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Jack’s eyes flickered nervously across the room, trying to find a threat that might have caused the strong reaction. When his gaze met hers his back straightened in reaction to the expression adorning her face. Harley's lips were curled into a broad smile while her eyes flashed dangerously, her gaze focused on something behind his back.</p><p>"Will you give me a sec? I just saw some unfinished business." Without waiting for an answer, Harley disappeared into the crowd, a new bounce added to her step.</p><p>Jack didn't even think about waiting like a loyal dog. Without hesitation, he followed her into the crowd. It parted like the sea did for Moses when Harley slipped through, Jack right on her heels. They drew nervous looks from the crowd, but no one dared approaching them.</p><p>And then he saw her.</p><p>A few feet away stood the blonde woman who had assaulted him earlier. Throwing her head back, she laughed exaggeratedly at something the brunette man by her side must have said. One hand was lying on his chest while the other was clutching a glass and finally Harley's goal was obvious.</p><p>Jack stopped, intrigued by Harley’s determination as she stalked towards her prey.</p><p>The woman's companion raised his head, a smile still lingering on his face. When he saw Harley approaching, the smile disappeared and without another glance at his companion he fled. The woman’s eyes followed him, the smile turning into a confused frown. Harley had finally reached her and tapped one finger against the woman’s shoulder. The woman turned around and froze. The glass she held slipped through her fingers and shattered on the floor. The crowd, which had been close enough to hear the shattering glass over the roar of the music, turned to face the confrontation.</p><p>Harley raised one hand and the music stopped abruptly. Silence spread across the room, every pair of eyes directed at Harley and her newest toy. In the sudden silence Jack heard his blood rushing unnaturally loud in his ears.</p><p>"I'm sorry.", the woman's eyes filled with tears, obviously aware of the fate awaiting her. "I did not know. I swear I did not know. "</p><p>“You didn’t recognize him?”, Harley purred.</p><p>The woman threw Jack a panic-stricken look. He just looked back unimpressed, tipping his head questioningly to one side.</p><p>“No, I swear I didn’t.”</p><p>“So, he looks like everyone else? Inconspicuous and ordinary?”, Harley cocked her head as well, unknowingly mirroring Jack’s position. She looked like a predator ready to bounce. Arousal pooled in Jack’s abdomen. Harley’s display of power somehow alluring.</p><p>"No of course not. He could never be ordinary. “, the woman's voice took on an uncomfortably high tone and the voice in Jack’s head purred, feasting itself on the woman’s palpable fear.</p><p>“But then, you should have recognized him, shouldn’t you? If he’s so extraordinary?"</p><p>The silence in the room was perceptible, no one even seemed to breathe while they waited for the inevitable climax of this confrontation. A small smile curled across Jack’s face. His eyes solely focused on the woman’s terrified face. Something that felt suspiciously like pleasure pulsed through his veins.</p><p>A small, barely discernible part of him was disgusted by his own reaction, but it was ridiculously easy to push that part away.</p><p>"So, you really wanted to take my man?"</p><p>The woman shook her head in panic, tears running down her cheeks, ruining the once flawless makeup.</p><p>"Steal what is mine?"</p><p>The voice in his head roared in anger and the smile on Jack’s face froze, twisting into a scowl instead. As much as he was enjoying Harley's little display of dominance, she shouldn’t take it too far.</p><p>No one has any claim to him. No one owned him.</p><p>Jack cleared his throat pointedly and Harley's back stiffened almost imperceptibly. She understood the warning.</p><p>The woman was still crying, having missed the silent exchanged entirely. The panicked sobs made it impossible for her to speak as she stared at Harley through her tear-veiled eyes.</p><p>Harley leaned forward slightly.</p><p>"And what do we do with man-thieves who don't know where their hunting ground ends?"</p><p>The woman took a few panicked steps back until one of the tables blocked her way.</p><p>Jack’s earlier thoughts resurfaced, how he had wished to knock her head against a nearby table.</p><p>Harley seemed to read his mind. She reached for the woman's blond hair and with one swift movement, she slammed her head against the edge. Hard.</p><p>
  <em>Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy.</em>
</p><p>Lots of blood streamed from the woman's laceration as she slowly sagged to the floor. She wasn't dead, but she wouldn't regain consciousness anytime soon.</p><p>Jack’s earlier excitement had slowly drained, leaving him tired and moody instead. The voice in his head just criticized Harley’s sloppy punishment. The attack was far too quick. Far too gracious. Downright boring.</p><p>The red liquid that was slowly spreading across the floor had reached Harley's heels. Harley bit her lower lip and glanced briefly at the woman's body before throwing an almost imperceptible look at Jack. He only raised a nonexistent eyebrow in response, not overly impressed with her performance.</p><p>Harley leaned down, picked up one of the shards from the floor and cut the woman's throat with the cracked glass. For the first time since the whole confrontation started, the audience seemed to move. Drawing in one collective breath, before they froze again in fear.</p><p>With a single fluid movement, she rose and walked purposefully towards Jack.</p><p>Jack realized her intention right away. She would claim him. Claim her property. Let everyone know why the woman had died and what would happen if anybody crossed him again. A small part of him found the thought of being claimed by her in public exciting. Being part of her. Of her world. Of her attention. The bigger part had no interest in submitting to her.</p><p>Instead, he turned slightly to one side, pointing the way with a mocking courtesy. It didn't seem to surprise her. She gave him an amused glance and went ahead.</p><p>When the backdoor closed behind them, the music started booming again, drowning out the panicked voices.</p><p> </p><p>Back in the present Jack and Harley had reached the elevator. Jack, tired and emotionally drained from the seemingly endless day he has had, leaned against the elevator wall.  Harley was still humming a soft, little tune, bouncing on her feet.</p><p>The elevator opened directly into a loft, framed by big windows and tastefully furnished. Harley left him the minute they stepped into the apartment, heading straight for the kitchen. There on the floor lay a big, ugly something, wearing a pink collar around its neck.</p><p>“Did ya miss me, Brucie!”, Harley exclaimed, kneeling in front of the something and nuzzling its neck. Her accent overly exaggerated. “Of course ya did! Don’t ya worry, baby. Mummy’s back!” Jack decided it would be for the best not to ask any questions as he was not overly interested in the answers anyway and started exploring the loft instead. He was instantly drawn towards the windows, enjoying the view of Gotham by night. It called to him in an inexplicable way.</p><p>“Ya miss it, don’t ya?”, Harley asked, her voice close and soft. For his taste she sounded a little too close to pitying.</p><p>The voice in Jack’s head huffed, not appreciating the tone. But at the moment Jack had close control of the voices in his head and was not in the mood for a fight. He was just tired. He turned away from the window, moving back into the apartment. Running his hand across the soft leather couch.</p><p>“Can you miss something you don’t remember?”, he whispered more to himself than to her. But he already knew the answer to that, he had been yearning for something since he had opened his eyes four months ago. And he still doesn’t know what. Nothing, not Harley, not the club, not the adrenaline filling his veins when the other one took control could fill the hole in his chest.</p><p>Harley was staring at him as if she was seeing him for the very first time, her mouth slightly agape. Jack cleared his throat, nervously averting his gaze.</p><p>“This is where we lived?”, he asked, as he walked into the kitchen. The something was chewing on a bone and Jack realized it was a real hyena. Well, at this point, nothing was surprising anymore.</p><p>“Yep!” Harley popped the p, her former surprise obviously forgotten. She jumped on the couch, lying down and letting her head hang above the edge. Looking at him upside down.</p><p>“At least sometimes. We have a lot of different hideouts across the city. Some hidden, some not.”</p><p>Jack turned back towards the hyena, feeling uneasy under Harley’s penetrating gaze. He lifted his hand, the hyena sniffed at it for a short moment, before it pressed its head into his hand. He petted it absentmindedly.</p><p>“But we won’t stay here. I have caused too much trouble in the past few weeks to stay somewhere so obvious. We will move tomorrow.”</p><p>Jack was too tired to ask her, why they came here at all, if they were moving tomorrow anyway. He just nodded. Harley sighed, quickly jumping to her feet and noiselessly moving to his side.</p><p>“Come on. You are dead on your feet.” She grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the bedroom, leaving the hyena mewling behind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: An extraordinary morning. </p><p>In case you are wondering why I chose to include Bruce the hyena instead of Bud and Lou - The CGI budget was too small for two hyenas.😉And I love Bruce.<br/>I know it doesn't add up with the Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey timeline, but I wanted a hyena and its my AU so... c'est la vie. </p><p>I hope this chapter was worth the wait, let me know what you think. I adore every single comment and kudos.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Dreaming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello dearies, </p><p>another chapter already. I am spoiling you😉 This one is shorter than usual but it's an important build-up. </p><p>Any medical discrepancies originate from the authors absolute ignorance regarding medicals matters. I hope you can forgive any mistakes. </p><p>But now, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Don't you think that's going a little too far?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He gave us no choice."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You always have a choice."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You should know better than anyone that this isn’t true. Not after what happened to Robin. To Barbara."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The voices sounded far away, only barely breaking the surface of J’s consciousness, while he was busy fighting his way towards the surface of the all-encompassing darkness surrounding him, which was trying to pull him back under. Only a slight shimmer, looking like the sun glittering on the water surface, was showing him the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But this? Wouldn't it have been kinder to kill him? "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I would never ..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sentence went unfinished as J broke through the surface, desperately gulping for air. A panicked beeping sound filled the room, but J couldn't concentrate on that right now. Air, he needed air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He wakes up."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The voices seemed vaguely familiar. But J was too far gone to care about that right now. Panicked, he tried getting some vital air into his lungs. The beeping got louder and louder, only adding to J’s growing distress.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Strange.” The deeper voice barked. “Do something!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes. J wanted to say. Do something.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I warned you about the potential side effects. His right lung is collapsing. "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Collapsing lungs. His panic rose to a new level as it started to flicker behind his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then there was a sharp pain in the crook of his left arm and the darkness pulled him back into its depths.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>When Jack woke again, he felt calmer. The comfortable pillow his head was resting on felt reassuring as he kept his eyes closed. Breathing deeply, he tried to hold onto the fast-dissipating shreds of his dream, but it was like trying to catch smoke with his bare hands. Impossible.</p><p>And yet, Jack remained motionless, hoping to get pulled back into the dream.</p><p>Not that the dream had been particularly pleasant, but it had been the first time he had dreamed of something other than Harley. Something that felt unnervingly like a memory.</p><p>Taking another deep breath Jack tried to remember what he had heard. There had been two men, maybe three, talking about <em>him</em>. Of that, he was sure. He had been lying on a cold hard surface, surrounded by darkness, only one bright light shining directly above him. Or had that just been his imagination. Groaning, Jack opened his eyes and the last images of his dream disappeared.</p><p>And then something touched his arm.</p><p>Without thinking, Jack threw himself at the attacker, tumbling out of bed and pinning him to the ground. With a loud thud the head of the attacker connected with the floor and the someone gave an outraged cry of pain.</p><p>Jack looked down at Harley, pinned beneath him to the floor and did a double take. The woman, whose hands he had still pinned next to her head, was without a doubt Harley and yet she looked completely different. Dark curls poured over her shoulders and a baseball cap was pulled deeply into her face. The white t-shirt and no make-up made her look even younger. In the neckline of the shirt hung a pair of black sunglasses.</p><p>"I knew ya weren't a morning person, but that takes the cake, don't ya think?" Harley grumbled, slightly struggling against his hold.</p><p>Jack threw her a venomous look and released her. Leaning against the bed frame, he let his eyes wander over her body. She grinned teasingly while stretching sinfully slow on the floor.</p><p>"Like what you see?"</p><p>He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of answering, so he took a calming breath instead and averted his eyes. She giggled.</p><p>On second thought, he was generally not in the mood for her, at least not before his first cup of coffee. Without another word he rose to his feet, slowly making his way towards the bathroom.</p><p>"I put some clothes in there. But don’t take too long. We have got a busy day planned."</p><p>He didn't appreciate her talking to him like that. As if she was in charge here. Jack slammed the door for good measure but heard her mocking laughter even through the door.</p><p> </p><p>The outfit Harley had chosen for him, was very similar to her own. It felt like she wanted to claim ownership again and Jack gritted his teeth furiously.</p><p>Needless to say, that his already sour mood had not improved by the time he finally left the bathroom, but the coffee machine was calling him like a siren song and that was more important than being petty.</p><p>"When you're done, we'll go shopping." Harley's unbearably cheerful voice broke through the pleasant silence. Jack turned towards her, leaning against the kitchen counter, his hands tightly clasping the warm coffee cup. Harley was sitting on the floor and leaning against the window. Her eyes focused on a phone display.</p><p>"And what exactly are we shopping for?" Jack muttered before taking a greedy gulp of the dark liquid.</p><p>"Oh, just some necessary knickknack. A suit for you, an outfit for me. Cable ties, knifes, guns."</p><p>Jack promptly choked on his coffee and coughed hysterically.</p><p>Harley threw him an amused look before she focused back on the cellphone.</p><p>"And what do we need that for?", Jack croaked as soon as he was able to force enough air into his lungs to speak.</p><p>Harley turned the cellphone towards him in response. Jack took another gulp before crossing the distance between them, reaching for the phone.</p><p>“Donation gala tomorrow evening for the victims of terroristic attack.”, Jack read out loud.</p><p>His eyes flickered to Harley’s, a frown appearing on his face.</p><p>“Isn’t that the bombing you were responsible for?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes dramatically.</p><p>“Duh.”</p><p>He was not sure he appreciated her tone but teaching her a lesson would mean spilling his coffee and he was not sure that was worth it. Taking another sip of the dark liquid, he looked back down at the display.</p><p>“And why should we go there?”</p><p>She took the phone back.</p><p>“Well, they are throwing the party in my honor. I think it’s only polite to show up.”</p><p>For the first time that day he felt a smile tugging at his lips.</p><p>“Oh Harley. Haven’t you been to enough parties these days?”</p><p>The smile she gave him was blinding.</p><p>“Oh, puddin. There is no such thing as too many parties.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack and Harley go shopping. </p><p>So, any thoughts? Kudos and comments are love. And if you liked this chapter, please consider subscribing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Adapting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello lovely readers,</p><p>sorry for the delay. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Thanks for your patience and your ongoing support. You are amazing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>„Harley? Where are we going?”, Jack asked as he slowly followed Harley through the night.</p><p>She was walking a few steps ahead, her hand lazily trailing the wall to her right. Her eyes were aimed at something above their heads and her ponytails were fluttering in the wind. Harley’s black and red bodysuit was blatantly obvious, even in the barely lit alley they were currently in.</p><p>She had shed her disguise as soon as they were done with the mundane shopping. It couldn't have taken more than a few hours, but a couple of clothing stores and a drugstore had been enough for Jack to want to pull his hair out in frustration.</p><p>He hated shopping and shopping with Harley was even worse. Her cheerful chattering didn’t stop throughout the whole experience, no matter how little he responded to it. She kept babbling happily about the different options while he was trailing behind, carrying the shopping bags. To keep up appearances, Harley had said before kissing his cheek and disappearing into the next shop.</p><p>Jack had hoped that buying illegal weapons would be more interesting than that, but it turned out that it was mostly the same when you knew where to buy.</p><p>And so, Jack clung desperately to the last bit of patience he had left, while Harley dragged him through dark alleys without even telling him where they were heading.</p><p>“Harley!”, he growled louder this time. She threw him a calculating look, before returning to the task at hand. Obviously deciding that he could wait a few seconds longer.</p><p>“Ah!”, she suddenly exclaimed, stopping dead in her tracks. Jack stopped as well following her gaze. It was directed at the windowfront a few meters above. It was definitely out of reach, but Harley grinned like the cat that got the cream.</p><p>“Come on, would you?”</p><p>Jack turned back towards her. Harley was staring at him expectantly. Jack frowned, looking back and forth between the window and Harley.</p><p>“Would I what?”</p><p>Harley rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.</p><p>“Give me a lift.”</p><p>Jack was still confused, but he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of asking again. Only hesitating for one more second, Jack linked his hands together, holding it out in front of him, successfully providing a makeshift ladder.</p><p>Harley smiled brightly and stepped into his hands. Jack pulled her up, and she climbed easily onto his shoulders. Jack grunted under her unexpected weight but remained still.</p><p>Without warning Harley bent her knees and jumped. Surprised Jack staggered a few steps backwards, pushed back by the force of her jump. When he looked up Harley hang on the windowsill.</p><p>Now that Jack was paying closer attention, he saw that the window was slightly ajar. With one fluid motion Harley pulled herself up and kicked the window open. Straddling the windowsill, Harley beamed down at him.</p><p>Jack had to admit, that he was impressed.</p><p>Throwing him one last glance Harley jumped into the building. Jack stared at the point where she had vanished, waiting for her to reappear. Instead an iron door next to him was pulled open revealing Harley’s smiling face.</p><p>“Didn’t think I would leave you there, did you?”</p><p>Not dignifying that with an answer, Jack strolled past her into the dark building. Inside the building it was pitch black, the only light coming from the emergency lights throwing long shadows against the walls.</p><p>As soon as his eyes had adjusted to the darkness, Jack recognized their location.</p><p>“A museum? Are you kidding me? What are we doing here?”</p><p>Harley’s steps made close to no sounds as she walked past him.</p><p>“There is something I need to find.”, Harley muttered, not even glancing at him.</p><p>Jack decided to ignore the rudeness for now, intrigued by their goal. Harley was already across the room, skipping downstairs, obviously heading for the archives. Jack followed her at a more reasonable pace.</p><p>Downstairs it was just as dark, but a shimmer of light at the end of the corridor showed Jack the way. Turning around the corner, Jack pressed his eyes shut for a second, blinded by the sudden light. Harley had switched on a desk light, while rummaging through one of the top drawers. Papers were strewn all over the desk.</p><p>Jack picked one of the papers up, scrutinizing it. It was a map of a city. The streets, buildings and the river seemed familiar. Gotham.</p><p>“Harley, why are we looking through maps of Gotham?”</p><p>Harley threw him a dirty look.</p><p>“<em>We</em> are doing nothing. <em>I</em> am searching for something.”, she snapped, returning  to her task.</p><p>Jack’s already paper-thin patience finally snapped.</p><p>Slowly walking around the desk, Jack stopped right behind Harley, his breath ghosting across her neck. She stiffened only slightly, otherwise pretending she hadn’t noticed his sudden proximity.</p><p>Slowly tracing his fingers up her back, he stopped at her hair, slowly wrapping one of her ponytails around his fist.</p><p>“What are we doing down here?”, he purred, slowly pulling her hair back, pressing up against her. He felt her shiver, while he slowly traced his nose against her cheek.</p><p>“Puddin.”, she whispered. Her voice was trembling, if with fear or pleasure Jack was not sure and honestly, he didn’t care.</p><p>The small voice of his self-awareness begging him to stop, yelling at him that this was not his usual behavior, was easily ignored.</p><p>Yanking hardly on Harley’s hair, Jack turned her towards him. Her chest now pressed against his. Their faces inches from each other.</p><p>“I am not going to ask again.”, Jack purred, still holding her hair with one hand, while his other trailed lazily across her throat. The threat obvious.</p><p>Harley tried to get some inches between them, but her back was pressed against the desk. Her breath tickled his face. Jack smiled menacingly and Harley’s eyes darkened as he leaned closer as if to kiss her.</p><p>Suddenly Jack pushed her back and send her tumbling across the desk. Obviously surprised, Harley still managed to bounce right back, now standing across from him, the desk between them.</p><p>“I am looking for a place.”, she panted. Slowly inching further away from him.</p><p>“What place?”, Jack purred while leaning against the desk. Harley’s eyes were following each of his movements.</p><p>“A medical ward.” Something like dread pooled in Jack’s abdomen, but he ignored it while leaning closer to Harley across the desk. She took a cautious half step back.</p><p>“A medical ward? In the underground system?”, Jack asked, throwing a look at the last map Harley had studied. “That seems unusual.”</p><p>Taking a deep breath Harley walked back towards his side, leaning across the same map Jack had been studying a moment prior.</p><p>“Yeah, unusual, but not impossible. It must be there.”, she muttered. Jack studied her profile, loving the flush adorning her face and wondering if his hand would leave a similar mark.</p><p>Slowly lifting a hand, he traced her cheek lovingly. Harley’s body froze while her eyes were still focused on the map.</p><p>“Now, was that so hard.”, Jack purred. Grabbing her chin violently, he tore her face towards him. Their eyes locking. “Never ignore me again.”</p><p>Harley nodded, for a few seconds they stared at each other unblinkingly before Harley’s gaze flickered towards his lips. Jack smiled lightly while leaning closer to her. The moment was broken when they heard footsteps from above. They sprang apart, throwing cautious looks at the ceiling.</p><p>“Time’s up. The guy I paid gave me an open window and twenty minutes before he alerts the cops.”, Harley whispered, grabbing as many maps as possible, before bolting towards the stairs. Jack head on her heels.</p><p>As they headed for the door there were footsteps following behind and as Jack threw one last look over his shoulder, he could have sworn that the shadows themselves were moving. Bolting through the door only seconds after Harley, Jack breathed the crispy night air greedily. A laughter bursting from his throat as he dashed into the night.</p><p>Only hours later, when Jack finally fell into an unfamiliar bed, the early morning sun shining through the curtain, did he realize that he hadn’t heard the voices all day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack meets the boys. </p><p>Kudos and comments are love and they always make my day. Also, if you liked this story so far consider subscribing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Belonging</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello dearies, </p><p>so this chapter is one of the many reasons why there is a warning about "graphic depicitions of violence". You have been warned.<br/>Otherwise enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack hadn't closed an eye all night.</p><p>Sometime during the night Harley had cuddled close to him, her arm now lying over his bare chest and her feet tangled with his. The physical closeness made him uncomfortable and kept him from falling asleep. So, he had wrapped his arm around her and pulled her even closer. He didn't want to sleep, anyway.</p><p>The renewed absence of the voices unsettled him more than he had initially thought. He didn't know what bothered him more, that he was alone in his head, more conscious than ever of the yawning emptiness of his own thoughts or that yesterday he had behaved in an unsettling similar way to the voice in his head. He had threatened Harley. He had tried to hurt her. Only a few days ago, he had fought hard against this desire. So why had he relapsed into the violent behavior, this time without further encouragement of the voices?</p><p>Jack glanced at Harley's blond head. She was still sound asleep, her breath tickling his throat.</p><p>While listening to her slow breathing, Jack had a sudden, confusing thought.</p><p>Because there had been a voice. Not in his head but coming from his now sleeping companion.</p><p>Harley had provoked him all day. Had ignored his questions. Had snapped at him and pushed his buttons expertely. It had been inevitable that Jack's patience would wear off. She had made sure of it.</p><p>Jack’s eyes widened as he reflected on the night before. Harley had been especially annoying, belittling him all day long, until Jack had finally snapped and threatened her. She had been trembling, her pupils dilating. Jack had thought it was by fear or arousal, but what if it had been by hidden glee? Caused by the excitement of a successful experiment.</p><p>Yes, she had been wary as well, cautious of his violent behavior, and yet, she had faced the consequences of her behavior head on. Studying him as if he was an especially interesting case.</p><p>But why? She must have known that antagonizing him would end in violence. Why would she risk that? The experiment wouldn’t have resulted in restoring his memories. She must have known that. So, if bringing his memories back wasn’t the goal, then what was she doing? </p><p>In the black hole, where his memories should have been, he found no answers to these questions and the voices stayed annoyingly quiet, even though he had the impression that they were still lurking somewhere in his mind. Hiding and waiting for the right opportunity to reemerge.</p><p>Jack sighed and stared at the ceiling while Harley nuzzled his neck. He could wake her, ask her the burning questions bouncing through his head, but he doubted that he would get a satisfying answer and he wasn't in the mood for her games.</p><p>So Jack stayed put, holding Harley close. Outside their room, voices could be heard, floating through the door.</p><p>The hideout they had fled to yesterday after the break-in was very different from the loft in which they had spent the previous night. This one looked like an empty apartment block just waiting to be demolished. The rooms were dirty, sparsely furnished, the windows were partly covered with cardboard and some doors were torn off their hinges. And, above all, they weren't alone.</p><p>Some of Harley’s men had taken up quarters in the adjoining rooms. Sleeping bags, mattresses, and sagging couches made a strange version of a bedroom.</p><p>Jack hadn't met the men yesterday. Harley had chased them out of the common room with a well-placed knife against the wall and a few high-pitched commands.</p><p>But now they seemed to have returned. Tired and frustrated from the long and confusing night, Jack freed himself from Harley's stranglehold and rolled out of bed. He pulled on the white t-shirt and blue jeans he had shed yesterday and walked silently towards the door.</p><p>When Jack entered the common room, the friendly chatter that had previously filled the room stopped immediately. The goons sitting around the kitchen table gave him worried looks. The card game in front of them all but forgotten.</p><p>Jack paid them no heed; he couldn’t care less about the lowlife Harley surrounded herself with. He headed for the coffee machine instead, making a pleased sound when he saw that it was already prepared. With a push of a button, the machine came to life.</p><p>As he waited for the coffee to finish, he opened some cupboards hoping to find something edible. The cupboards were not well stocked: some crackers, an apple that had seen better days and loads of coffee. Normally Jack would approve of this life choice, but currently he was hungry. Grumbling lowly, he picked up his coffee and breathed in the sweet aroma. It would have to suffice for now.</p><p>While nipping on his freshly brewed coffee Jack felt a presence creep up behind him. Slowly turning around, Jack faced the biggest pile of meat he had ever seen.</p><p>“And you think you can just take our coffee?” The man asked, cracking his knuckles threateningly. Slowly Jack lifted his head, his eyes raking over a muscled chest until it arrived at a handsome face. He took another sip.</p><p>“Hey, Frank. Don’t you know who that is?”, yelled one of his companions. The whole room was openly staring now.</p><p>Jack lifted a nonexistent eyebrow at the man in front of him. A small part of him hoped that he wouldn’t get the warning. He was confused, sleep-deprived and on edge. He could use an outlet.</p><p>Frank seemed dumb enough to pick a fight.</p><p>“Who he <em>was</em>.”, Frank stared directly into Jack’s eyes, a small smile adorning his face. ”Now he is nothing more than a weak and boring piece of shit.”</p><p>Well, this one certainly had a death wish. The voices in Jack’s head were still non-existent. Not even trying to intervene. Well, Jack didn’t need them. He could deal with this particular inconvenience all by himself.</p><p>“That was uncalled for, don’t you think?”, Jack asked before he took another sip of his burning hot coffee, already regretting what he was about to do.</p><p>Frank seemed unaware of the boiling danger, sneering down at him.</p><p>Jack couldn’t keep from rolling his eyes before he threw the hot coffee in Frank’s dumb face. Frank howled, pressing his hands against his face.</p><p>Jack used his momentary distraction to hit the cup so hard against Frank’s head that it broke.</p><p>This seemed to get Frank’s attention. He swung one arm blindly towards Jack. Jack, still holding the broken cup in one hand, dodged the blow easily and with one fluid motion rammed a broken piece right into one of Frank’s eyes.</p><p>Frank whimpered and pressed his hands against his face, desperately trying to stop the bleeding. He fell to the ground, curling into himself. Jack cracked his neck disappointedly, this could have proven to become an interesting fight, now it was just an execution.</p><p>Jack stared down at the bloody, sobbing mess of a man and contemplated his next move. He could let him go. Frank would probably never bother him again.<em> Show mercy,</em> a part of him pleaded.</p><p>Throwing a look at the still observing henchmen, Jack knew that he had to proof a point. They had to know who they were dealing with and what happened to anyone underestimating him.</p><p>Jack dropped the rest of the cup, which he had still been clutching in one hand as he slowly bent down to the heap of misery squirming on the floor. The man's good eye was red with tears and blood and squinted up at him in fear. Still sobbing Frank shook his head and tried to crawl away from Jack.</p><p>”Who is weak and boring now?”, Jack said, just loud enough for the other henchmen to hear. Jack gripped Frank by his hair and dragged him towards the dishwasher.</p><p>Frank tried to fight back, but Jack had the upper hand. With one sweeping movement, Jack tore open the dishwasher door. Frank's attempts to escape doubled as he was obviously aware of what was about to happen. Jack tightened his grip on Frank's hair and pressed him face down between the dishwasher and the door.</p><p>"Please.", panted Frank, but it was too late. Jack slammed the dishwasher door close. The sound that followed would haunt Jack for days and yet he couldn't stop. None of the voices had taken possession of him, he was aware that it was he alone who repeatedly smashed the man's head with the door and yet something had taken possession of him that was stronger than the quiet voice of his conscience that begged him to stop. A feeling of power. Jack felt <em>powerful</em>. And in that moment, he knew that he would never again be content with the boring life he had left behind.</p><p>"Well, I see you've already met the boys."</p><p>The voice cut through Jack's thoughts and finally got him to let go of the bloody mass that had once been a pretty face.</p><p>When he turned, the henchmen had averted their eyes. Some looked slightly green on their faces. Jack threw Harley an amused look that she reciprocated instantly.</p><p>"He asked for it," Jack murmured, not quite sure why he was justifying himself and at the same time horrified that he was trying. He ignored his conscience, beckoning Harley towards him instead.</p><p>Harley let out a happy laugh and crossed the distance between them in a few leaps.</p><p>"Oh, I'm sure of that," she muttered before pressing her lips against his. This time he had nothing against her closeness. On the contrary, he welcomed it.</p><p>His whole body was still pulsing with the intoxicating feeling of being in charge. Of being powerful. Of having just killed. Harley ran her tongue over his lower lip and with a slight moan he opened his mouth to allow her access.</p><p>He heard faint noises and when he opened his eyes the goons were scurrying out of the common room. For a second he contemplated calling them back, getting them to clean the mess. But then Harley, obviously aware of his wandering attention, bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood.</p><p>Jack shuddered pleasantly and pulled her closer. Forgetting about the goons and giving himself over to the sensation of Harley sucking apologetic on his lower lip.</p><p>Harley buried her hands in his hair and tugged him forcefully closer.</p><p>Slowly Jack let his hands slide down Harley's body, stopping just underneath her rear. Her grip on his hair was almost painful and intoxicating lust spread throughout Jack's body. Harley made a surprised noise as Jack picked her up, wrapping her legs around his hips. Jack let his lips slide down her neck, nipping and biting a path across her white alabaster skin. Harley threw her head back with a moan.</p><p>Jack stepped over the still lying corpse on the kitchen floor and walked them towards the bedroom, kicking the door closed behind them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Jack contemplates his life choices. </p><p>Okay, I hope this chapter cleared some things up. I guess there are still a few questions left but this is intentional. The story shouldn't get too predictable. </p><p>Also if you have got the feeling that Jack seems terrible unstable at the moment then you got that one right. But tell you a secret, the guy is bonkers. XD</p><p>Let me know what you think and kudos are love.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Rethinking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack stared at his reflection as he tried to tie his bow tie, so far unsuccessfully. With a sigh he gave up, dropping the ends and leaving the folded mess currently hanging from his neck alone.</p><p>Jack let his eyes glide over his body, appreciating the form fitting tuxedo and the new light shining in his eyes. Gone was the dead, haunted look that had adorned his face for the past few months, replaced by an insane flickering behind his eyes. Jack felt more familiar with the face staring back, than ever before. </p><p>Over his shoulder he could see the bed, still messed up by their earlier activities.</p><p>A smile flickered across his face as he relived the more interesting parts of his afternoon. Harley hadn’t been the only woman he had been with these past few months, the attempt to feel something had led him into the arms and beds of many different women, but he had to admit that this had been the best sex he had ever had. Rough and passionate, almost violent; Harley had been everything he had ever craved from a bed partner. He could still feel his body aching pleasantly.</p><p>Jack touched a particular dark bruise on his neck, pressing down on it. The dull pain sent a pleasant shudder through his body.</p><p>Licking his lips Jack dropped his hand and dragged his thoughts away from this particular topic. Otherwise, he would follow Harley into the shower, and they would never leave in time.</p><p>To distract himself, Jack clasped the knife he had put in one of his pockets. Harley had given it to him. She had been lying on his chest, lazily tracing the tattoo on his lower abdomen, when she had suddenly stopped, a thoughtful look on her face and had leaped from the bed. She had dug through one of the drawers before she had bounced back onto the bed, knife now in hand. She had snapped her teeth playfully at him before slowly trailing the tip down his chest. Leaving no visible mark behind.</p><p>For a few minutes he let her do as she pleased.</p><p>When he had finally flipped them over, the knife had scratched his stomach, drawing blood. He had barely noticed.</p><p>She gave the knife over willingly and it was a familiar weight in his hand. He had loved the feeling right away. It felt like a part of his body that had previously been missing had returned. He had instantly known how to hold it, how to wield it, how to throw it. It had been as easy as breathing. Harley’s pupils had dilated while she watched him with the knife in his hand. She had burrowed her hands in his hair and had pulled him back in, unconcerned about the knife still resting in his palm.</p><p>Later, Jack had voiced his concern about pocketing the knife without protection, Harley had nearly choked on her laughter.</p><p>Jack smiled at the memory while he trailed the blade with a finger before he put it back inside his pocket. He wished he had more than one knife, but Harley had told him in no uncertain terms that there was no need to arm him too heavily. Tonight, he would be nothing more than one of her henchmen. A background figure, there to keep her safe and to observe. She didn’t trust him yet to be able to keep up with her.</p><p>Every fiber of his being hated to be put on the sidelines. Hated to be under her command but after a few chosen words traded between them he had had to admit that she was right. Killing an unarmed man in the kitchen was nothing compared to the coup they had planned for tonight.</p><p>Jack grabbed the mask lying on the dresser next to him, holding the clown mask before his face. Seeing the clown mask stirred something inside him and for just a second, he thought the voices had returned. He felt less alone, more confident. Finally, at home in his own skin.</p><p>Then the feeling vanished and left him standing alone in front of a mirror. A dock worker hiding behind a children’s mask.</p><p>The nerves he had successfully ignored before made a noisy comeback, leaving him only too aware that he was unsuited for whatever the evening entailed.</p><p>The bathroom door flew open, and Harley walked in. She looked stunning. Her dress was, as always, in her signature color. Red. Today it was floor length, glittering, and sliding down her flawless body like a waterfall. She grinned while his eyes roamed her body hungrily.</p><p>She walked towards him, her hips swinging enticingly. “You look amazing.", she purred while she started untying the mess, he had made of his bow tie. "Are you ready?"</p><p>Her gaze flew to his face and their eyes locked. Jack lifted a nonexistent eyebrow, not dignifying the question with an answer. Her eyes turned soft nonetheless, she must have seen his nerves, even though he tried to hide them.</p><p>“Reminds me of my first time. I was a nervous wreck!”</p><p>Jack waited for her to elaborate, while she finished straightening his bow tie. The look on her face had turned nostalgic as she slowly stroked his chest with the palms of her hands.</p><p>"Arkham.”, she whispered, her eyes meeting his. “My first time was Arkham. I got you out of there.” Slowly she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Do you remember?"</p><p>
  <em>Oh, I’m not gonna kill you. I’m just gonna hurt you. Really, really bad.</em>
</p><p>Laughter. Shotguns. Screams. And the irrepressible feeling of triumph.</p><p>When his gaze returned to reality, Harley's face was inches from his own. Her look intense.</p><p>"You remembered, didn’t you?" Her fresh breath brushed his face.</p><p>Jack nodded as his eyes went to her lips. The desire to kiss her became almost unbearable and yet he did not give in to it. Kissing her in such a quiet, sentimental moment felt wrong. Like he admitted defeat, in a game he didn’t realize he was playing.</p><p>His gaze had not escaped her attention however and her lips twisted into a smile. Without waiting for his consent, she closed the gap between them, pressing her soft lips against his.</p><p>The kiss was neither brief, like their first, nor full of desire like the kisses they had shared since. This kiss was gentle and loving and Jack wasn't sure he liked it.</p><p>Still, he returned the kiss briefly before ending it softly. She kept her eyes closed afterwards, a happy smile on her face. She looked like she wanted to lock the moment into her heart forever. Jack frowned. Then Harley opened her eyes, and the moment was over. She took a step back and picked up his mask.</p><p>"Ready to crash a party, Puddin?", she held out the mask. An offer. It was his decision what to do with it. His decision. Always his decision.</p><p>He took the mask.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: Harley doesn't approve of the refreshment choices. </p><p>A short, fluffy chapter before we crash a party. </p><p>Anyone who hoped to get some smut today, I'm sorry to disappoint. But somehow it didn't feel right to go into detail here. I'm thinking of adding a few one-shots once this story is over, however. Missing scenes that I had planned, but that just didn't fit the pace I was taking with this story. Would you be interested in something like that? Let me know what you think. </p><p>As always kudos and comments are love and if you liked this story so far, consider subscribing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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